How much is a loaf of bread?
If I asked you a simple question. How much is a loaf of bread? Could you give me an answer? Would you say "a couple of dollars" or perhaps give me an exact answer like $3.49? Well, a truthful answer would be a lot more complex. Here is why:
- An unsliced loaf at Superstore $1.29
- A regular no name loaf at Superstore $2.99 ($1.99 on sale)
- "Better" wheat bread $4.49 ($2.99 on sale regularly)
- head over to Freshco instead and prices are more like $3.49 (purchased today)
- specialty loaf at Windmill Deli? $4.99 for Rye bread. $7.99 for Rye bread.
Get flour on special? $10 for 10kg. $0.50 for enough flour to make a loaf of bread. Then again in an area like Gaza which is an active warzone? There are rumors that a sack of flour is $500 which would make bread outrageously expensive.
Now I don't mention this because I really care exactly how much a loaf of bread costs but rather to show that a simple question can be a lot more in depth than it may seem at first glance.
When does a child deserve privacy?
Seems like an easy question. Right? It was certainly a question that my children asked me on more than one occasion. The question may have sounded somewhat different such as "Dad, can I get a lock on my bedroom door". Dad, why do you have to have the password to my computer. The answer was never straightforward.
The reason I couldn't answer the question was simple. I did not know the answer. What I couldn't quite articulate to them at the time was that they needed to be able to pay for the privilege.
Now that doesn't mean that I expected them to give me money for a lock on the door. I didn't figure that a computer with a lock would be $500. That would be silly. However, in a household being treated as an adult cost something more valuable and much harder to earn. There was an invisible currency in the house.
What was the currency?
Trust and Respect
The invisible currency
What I had such a hard time explaining to my kids was that I didn't know when they had "Enough" to pay for privacy. I needed to trust that they were mature enough for that right. I needed to know that they were mature enough to be given privacy without getting into trouble. I needed to know that they respected themselves and the house rules with dignity and not get into trouble when I gave them more and more freedom.
When I told them that they had to "earn" the privileges in the house they would always ask "What do I need to do?". However, they didn't understand it wasn't like a job where you "Work 6 hours and get paid for 6 hours". That's not how the invisible currency is earned.
It's earned bit by bit when children do things like treat others with respect. When they show maturity by doing things without being told. They earn it when they ask smart questions about how the world works and show understanding by their answers. It is earned when they come home on time after school, or check in when they are going to be late, when they hold their temper when things don't go their way. They even earn it when they disagree with their parents but instead of showing anger they debate, give good arguments, and graciously back down when their parents say no.
There are so many ways that children show they are maturing...or that they aren't as often happens. Also it varies from child to child and on issue to issue. I've seen Japanese children who are quite capable at the age of 6 while I've seen a15 year old in my wife's family that still can't tie their shoes on their own. Well, perhaps I haven't seen directly but my mother-in-law has told me stories :)
When my son lost his door
Image source: Dall-e
Trust and respect are important. When one of my son's was a teenager he did things which my wife and I found questionable. We were worried about the path he was taking and about where his actions would lead. What was the punishment? He lost the door to his bedroom. He was horrified. However, I insisted if he was going to act like a child he would be treated like one. If he can't be trusted then he would see what lack of trust truly meant.
He got his door back fairly soon after a couple of bad incidents. However it took time for him to re earn his trust. Unfortunately it took time for us as parents to regain our trust with him as well. It was a two way street and honestly? I may have over reacted.
Still, looking back on things I would probably have done the same thing in the same situation. I watched my son carefully and I weighed how mature he was VS how much trouble incorrect actions would get him into. I wanted him to grow but I also wanted to keep him safe. It's a hard road to follow. Give too much too soon and kids sink without boundaries. However, hover too much and they never learn from their mistakes.
I really wish kids came with an instruction manual...
....but they don't.
But in the end? We balanced the balance sheet and grew our treasury of goodwill in the house.
My son proved himself trustworthy and reliable over time. As parents we proved to be reliable and loving. Over time... our bonds grew.
But the invisible treasury is real. As parents we spend out goodwill when we try to keep out kids safe from dangers they don't see. Kids earn parents goodwill when they act in respectful manners and act maturely and diligently.
Unfortunately, there is no bank account balance and no price tags.
Nevertheless that invisible currency of family is one of life's most valuable treasures.
Or perhaps you don't agree
Of course that is just my take on the Hive Learners Post about how much privacy should children be given? My answer? How much is a loaf of bread?
.... it's a loaded question with lots of variables. For a diary? Little risk ... give that to them early. Lock on the door? New car? Private computer in their room? Not asking where they are late at night? Each of those has a different 'price tag' that varies from purchase to purchase.
And thank you for reading this far, I really appreciate it. If you agree? I'd love to hear from you. Disagree? I'd still love to hear from you, I'm always up for learning something.
Thanks for making it to the end :)