Movies have been lying
Songs have been lying
Advertisements have been lying
Love is NOT all you need
But that is the LIE sold to people in Canada and the United States. Find that special someone, commit to them, and enjoy your life together in bliss. No wonder the divorce rates are so high!
- 38% Divorce rate in Canada
- almost 50% Divorce rate in United States!
My advice to any couple who wants to get married.
And the Bible even backs me up on this point.
1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
You may be of the opinion that I don't know anything about marriage:
You may then think that I just have a bad marriage or bad wife:
Then you may argue that I'm just unhappy with my current situation and blame being married for it.
So What Am I Complaining About?
Nothing
I thank God for my wife, my family and my home. I have been truly blessed and couldn't have asked for more. However, my wife has asked if I would marry again if I was widowed and my answer is a flat out NO.
She doesn't believe me of course. I will stand by my answer though.
Why wouldn't I remarry. Why do I say not to get married?
I'll answer that but I think I should define marriage first. In Canada I would say that there are two definitions of marriage:
- What the government of Canada says it is
- What the Bible says it is.
They are very different definitions. The government allows two people to make a public declaration that they wish to live as one. Two men, two women, a man and woman or, well, any other combinations of two people you can come up with. If you love someone, want to call them your mate, companion and friend for life. Great the government says you are married. I'll also personally wish you all the best for love and happiness in the future.
BUT
The Bible has a different definition.
Matthew 19:4-6 "He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.'"
In this definition there is One man--The husband. One woman--The wife.
Looking further it says the two shall become one AND that they should not be separated. I really didn't understand this idea well when I got married. I figured I'd be me, she'd be her and we'd live happily ever after. However, what it really means that there is no more me...it's we. There is no more me its us.
But that goes for everything in my life (or should I say our life?). There is no more me time for playing video games. It is no longer my bank account. Even my body is no longer truly my own as my wife doesn't want me putting coca-cola into it.
Everything I see in today's society is that its all about personal satisfaction. It's all about being my best life. It's all about personal gratification. If I don't like it why should I let it happen? None of that goes with the Biblical version of marriage.
From my point of view I just don't see people willing to give up their self enough for marriage to be a viable option in today's culture. At least not in the Western culture.
But I'll give up myself for them! I love them so much
Are you really sure about that? Think about that question and read this next part before you give your answer. The Bible also makes things way more demanding. Do you seriously think you are up for the task?
GUYS
Okay women... for your eyes only.
Ephesians 5:22-24:"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Consider those words carefully. Does that seriously sound like something you are interested in? Those words have been use to batter women for centuries and commit horrible injustices by men who didn't get the message that they weren't supposed to read it.
However, as tough as that is on women. I would argue that men have it worse. Don't believe me. Well, listen to what I have to tell them and the standard I believe I have to live up to.
Okay guys...this is your part
Ephesians 5:25:"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her........
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."
Now don't blow this off and say I love her. That will be easy!
Consider it VERY carefully.
Have you considered how much Jesus gave up for the church?
- He suffered verbal abuse for his teachings
- We was homeless to witness to everyone
- He was crucified for a crime he did not commit for his church.
and to make it even tougher...
The church: - Did not love him many times
- Strayed away from him many times.
Okay men I will ask you this question.
Would you stand by your wife and suffer verbal abuse for her? Give up your home for her? Give up your life for her?
and now comes the hard part
- Even if she doesn't love you?
- Even if she isn't faithful to you?
Yeah. I didn't think so
But wait! There's a second half to the verse!
You get to treat her needs as equal to your own. When she's hungry...your hungry. When she's tired....your tired. When she feels a deep need to talk about what happened at work you have a deep need to listen. When she feels the need to hang out with her parents, you have a need to hang out with your parents in law. Remember: you aren't your own now. Equal partners and her desires are equal to your own.
Scared yet?
There's MORE.
Jesus guides the church. He is there to make sure it follows the right path as a perfect example-- to make it enriched and better. To set this example husbands have to do their very best to find the right path for the family and be a blameless role model. Drinking? Smoking? Flirting with other women? Sleeping late? Being lazy? Sorry guys those are all the wrong path. You can say goodbye to all of those!
Finally a little dig at the end
Men..we are commanded to love our wives. Our wives are NOT commanded to love us. It's not fair but that is what's written.
How to sum this up?
I've been married for 23 years now.
When I got married I believed the stories and fell for the lies told to me by society. I didn't realize what I was getting into.
The longer I was married the more I understood what was involved to truly be a husband in the way the Bible wants me to be. I've learned that I am woefully ill equipped to do that job. I fail at it regularly.
However, I'm still married. My wife supports me. I keep trying to be follow the gold standard that the Bible presents knowing that I'll never truly measure up.
In return I have a wife and children I love. A home filled with love. Success far beyond what I ever imagined. A future I am looking forward to and someone special to spend it with.
But it's a far bigger Fight than anyone will ever tell you. Harder than any job I've ever had. It will take devotion and stubborness to make it work. I've been blessed and lucky enough to make it work...
Love is certainly part of it.
..... but Love certainly isn't enough!
Thanks for reading.
..... and if you insist on getting married. Pray hard and try to work together. It's quite a journey.