Adoption is a challenging process
Sometimes the Hive Learners gives me an easy prompt to write about and sometimes I look at the prompt and go...Hmm.... really? Today was one of those days. What do I have to say about the difficulty in adopting a child. The truth is... not much.
I get it. There are two sides of the argument:
Easy:
Every child deserves a loving family. Why should prospective parents have to go through a rigorous process in order to be able to look after a child who desperately needs a parent? Make it easy for people to adopt and keep children out of the foster car system.
Hard:
Every child deserves a loving family that is able to care for them. Prospective parents who have never looked after a child have no idea what they are getting into. Being a parent is rewarding but also grueling. Screen adults with a gruelling paperwork system. A frustrating adjudication system. A nerve wracking interview and background check. End result: You week out the parents who don't have the perseverance to see things through.
Both sides have merit
I can see a point for both sides but lets start with "Making things very easy". What if adopting a child was as easy as getting a pet? Have cute children at the mall with a sign over them saying "Adopt Me". Take one home after a brief questionnaire and some paperwork to make it legal. Maybe throw in some kibble ... errr.... food.
Perhaps offer a 30 day return policy
Obviously that is absurd. Sure it would greatly decrease the number if unplaced children but at what cost? How would being returned feel after a couple of times? More importantly though think of the unwanted pets returned to the SPCA when they are no longer convenient or cute. Could you imagine the issues with doing the same with children.
Totally unacceptable.
In addition some people will just make bad parents. Substance abuse is something which would be an obvious red flag. History of child abuse, physical abuse, mental problems and many other things would be other red flags. Even good people can be in a poor position to look after a child because of financial instability or unstable work schedule.
I would suggest there there is a minimum bar to clear to ensure the child has a good chance with whomever they are placed.
The Hard Path
That leads me to think that a more challenging path is preferable.
- Do the paperwork
- Do the background check
- Do interviews
- Check financial stability
Make it frustrating, challenging, expensive and annoying. Hmm... Okay how about just requires persistence, perseverance an dedication? Not because the system wants to be mean but more to force prospective parents to go through even a small taste of what raising a child entails. Also to show that the parent is truly dedicated to getting it done. I've seen enough kids want to get puppies and be totally unprepared for all the work involved that I wouldn't want the same to happen with couples wanting kids.
There will be countless things that need to be done for the child. There will be sleepless nights. There will be fights, There will be differences in opinion. Children will 100% disrupt any lifestyle a person had before children. If a person can't afford the filing fees. If a person can't be bothered with the paperwork. If a person can't endure the stress of paperwork without frustrating. Then they have little chance of being able to persevere with a child when things get tough.
but make it too challenging and good kids have no homes
Imagine a mom choosing between adopting or aborting
Just for thinking... Imagine that a teenage girl is pregnant and has to make the decision: carry and keep, carry and adopt to other, abort.
Now I will admit that I am pro life and would like to see that every child gets a chance at life and a good family. I am also well aware that many woman would make terrible mom's and have no ability to look after a child.
- Too few good homes because of strict restrictions and aborting may be preferable.
- Too many poor homes because of weak screening and the woman may decide to abort rather than putting the child in a substandard housing situation.
I don't know how I would choose the degree of difficulty to balance things.
In a perfect world
In a perfect world there would be no unplanned pregnancies. All parents would provide for their children well until they are adults and no child would be left in an orphanage or foster care. Plus everyone who wanted to have a child would be able to in a perfect world.
We don't live in that world. Bad things can and do happen. Sometimes mothers can't care for their baby. Sometimes parents die. Sometimes people are unable to have children.
Personally I want good systems to be in place to protect the children. Sane systems to weed out bad parents from the good. Good systems to look after "lost" children in an orphanage or foster care system. Proper training for those who run orphanages and foster cares so that every child in their care feels loved, warmth and support.
Again, I don't know how to balance that but I do know that too strict or too lenient (for the government programs) is not beneficial. A balance is absolutely required so parents are capable, children find good homes and no-one is subjected to an untenable situation.
Just my thoughts and as I said, its not something I have a strong voice on so feel free to send comments. Maybe next time I can write something a little less bland. Thanks for reading.