Today's society seems all about the individual
If you look around at society today it seems very very focused on "ME" or "I". Influencers will tell you how to live your best life. People feel entitled to what is mine. Indeed there is a huge fight over a woman's right to choose whether to have a baby or not. Then there is the counterargument on the babies right to live. Or you can go to the other extreme and people fighting over their right to die when they choose.
I also have two sons were both recently teenagers and there was very much their strong will be their rights! The "it's my life and you won't tell me how to live it" was a common refrain. Or the ever popular "I'm an adult now and I can live as I want!".
But I've learned something about being a father and a husband. Life isn't always about me. In fact an awful lot of what makes society worth living is me living mindful that "I" am not the most important thing in it.
But let me explain a little further.
The star player is still a loser if the team loses
There is a saying that there is no "I" in team. That is very true. In team sports it is about winning as a group. Sure an individual talent can be very important but one star player who doesn't support his team mates is likely to lose the game overall. It doesn't matter how good one player is, if the other team wins, that player is a loser too.
The same thing happens in a family. Sure I'm the father and the "head of the home". However, if my wife is unhappy, I am unhappy. If my son's fail, I lose. One of the very first things I had to learn to be a successful father is that it is about the family not about the me. As much as I love video games, I gave them up for the good of the household. As much as I love extra sleep I got up early to make sure everyone got to school on time and chores got done. Why? If I get what I want but the family loses then I lose.
The same can be said for community around me. Sure I can live just for myself and do what is best for me. However what if the community around me fails? If I'm so focused on myself that the community fails then what? I have to walk by homeless camps that make things an eyesore. There is more crime which makes me feel unsafe. Stores go out of business so its harder for me to purchase what I want. My house price goes down, my services suffer, and my focus on me makes my life get worse by default.
In short, life is very much about "US" and not just "ME".
Life was very much "US" centered in history
The move towards the individual has occurred over time. Go back far enough to the Greek empire and the father of the household had absolute control over the family to the point where he could literally choose which children lived and died. He would choose who would inherit wealth and have final say over things like who his daughters would marry. It was very much everything for the family.
But it wasn't always just about the family itself. It was about the community. Different cultures were very much community minded. The Spartans has a culture totally devoted to war and working together to be the best. But that also went to many many other people groups. It was everything to work for the community. Banishment was a very real threat! Today if someone was banished from a town it would be no big deal, just find another one. Or in the Catholic church Excommunication was a virtual death sentence while today it would hold but a shadow of its former power.
Indeed when people hear about a family based punishment they are shocked an it seems nonsensical to them. Look at North Korea's three generation policy. If one person commits a crime against the country the judgement goes down three generations. If grandpa leaves the country then the son and grandson suffer the punishment. Severe to be sure. In old times it may not have seemed unfair but in today's society it seems a total injustice.
But what about wealth and punishment?
But what about wealth and punishment? If a family is very wealthy and leaves money to the children then the parents success becomes the children's success. Awesome, right? But then why do we balk so much when parents do something awful but the children don't share in the punishment. It seems fair that is good behavior helps the children shouldn't bad behavior cause punishment for the children in the same vein?
Well, I think I'll expand on that a little bit with a little help from my Bible. Why? Because it has two different viewpoints which actually work to who my point pretty well.
The first viewpoint is that the sins of one generation carry on to the next.
Numbers 14:18 "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation."
So it says that the sins of the parents are punished down the generations. BUT
Ezekiel 18:20 "The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them."
So each person pays their own penalty or gets their own reward.
So what is it?
Well, believe it or not it is both.
Sure a wealthy family give their wealth to their children. But what happens if the children don't look after it? What if they are poor stewards of what they have? The money will be squandered and they will be left with nothing. Even worse. Once they are penniless they will KNOW what they are missing and be totally unable to attain it again. How awful is that?
In the same way bad parents often leave their children with emotional or physical scars and often leave them in a poor financial position. Sure the child doesn't go to jail if the father is a criminal. However the child still grows up without a father figure. The child will likely be more impoverished growing up with a single mother. Will miss out on father / son activities and may well be stigmatized by his family situation. However, with hard work and diligence he may be able to stand on his own, successful, and know he has earned his success and can protect it.
In short. The actions of the parents have ripples that affect the generations to come. Negative actions have negative ripples and positive actions have positive ripples. However, they are ripples and it is the individual themself who determines where they end up.
Don't believe that things ripple out? How about this image? Every seen this person before?
Image source Wikipedia
That gentleman went by the name William Stuart Houston. A perfectly normal man born in England and emigrated to the United States. However, he was born as William Hitler. A relative of a fairly well known, and disliked person, Adolf Hitler. Should have have been blamed for his relatives actions? No. He didn't have any part in them. However, his family connection meant keeping a low profile and changing his name.
Ripples do happen.
A wise person acts for himself AND for those around him
I like to think that a wise person takes responsibility for themself and does their best to be the best they can be. However, the wisdom comes in knowing that doing their best for the team and those around them causes positive ripples in their family and their community leading for a better life all around. In that way both the individual AND the team are both very important.
Of course, you may have other ideas,
But that's my take on the Hive Learner question on whether children should be responsible for the crimes of their parents. No, they shouldn't be held responsible. However there deeds of the parents will weight on the generations to come as ripples.
But if you disagree (or if you agree) please feel free to leave a comment.
I always love feedback.
Thanks for reading.
A wise person acts for himself AND for those around him
I like to think that a wise person takes responsibility for themself and does their best to be the best they can be. However, the wisdom comes in knowing that doing their best for the team and those around them causes positive ripples in their family and their community leading for a better life all around. In that way both the individual AND the team are both very important.
Of course, you may have other ideas,
But that's my take on the Hive Learner question on whether children should be responsible for the crimes of their parents. No, they shouldn't be held responsible. However there deeds of the parents will weight on the generations to come as ripples.
But if you disagree (or if you agree) please feel free to leave a comment.
I always love feedback.
Thanks for reading.