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I have a cousin who I am not close with, but when we were younger we were always together, whenever we came around for holidays as we didn't have to be in the same state then. We rarely talk now, but I always remember the good times we had. We were like siblings and I still cherish those memories.
Now that we are grown-ups, I don't think we have seen each other physically. I do see her on social media, but I just had this mindset of not reaching her first, and then one time her elder sister gave birth and her mom wasn't available to go take care of her, this was when my mom came in and took over the care of both mother and child as this is their custom in Igbo land, her husband is an Igbo man while she is from Akwa Ibom, it is in their custom for her mother to come to look after her after childbirth. My mom stayed with them for two months, taking care of both her daughter and grandchild. It was such a beautiful sight to see this custom remain alive even in the face of changing times. I was proud of my mother for her selfless dedication and willingness to help.
When my mum went to her place that was where my contact with this cousin started, I liked her picture on Instagram and she sent me a DM about how it has been a while since we talked and I said yes it was, we went on talking and coating about many other things and then she said: ":when will you come to visit me ?" I was at first speechless because I didn't expect her to extend an invitation, well I still gave her a date, but I wasn't able to meet up the date as I had exams in school.
After this time I wasn't able to meet up with the date, and so I sent her a message to tell her how sorry I was about not making it, then I went to her Instagram to check her out, and that was when I saw there was a lot that met the eyes, she was always posting in a different country every week and she always had this expensive look to her, from her head to her shoes she was breathing money and I wondered how she got her money. I knew she was a lawyer but I didn't know she was this successful, this made me very conscious and so I unintentionally stopped messaging her, she didn't leave a message either and so I just felt like Nah I can't cope with this girl's level. This made me feel inferior and I began to doubt myself and my capabilities. I started to overthink and question why she wasn't interested in me. I felt like I didn't even stand a chance and so I decided to just let go.
It wasn't like I was jealous of her. Instead, I wanted to be like her and I wanted to be successful like her. I stopped comparing, stopped overthinking and started to focus on myself and my goals.
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