Today I had this urge to listen to the song "childhood" by the legend Michael Jackson. In the comfort of darkness, I sat and began to reminisce, scenes after scenes, from what I could remember of my childhood. Some made me laugh , some made me cry, as the scenes played back like a recorded video from long forgotten memories. It was actually a fun thing to do.
I remember a particular day,
"Diviiiiiiiiiiine!" No one else calls my name like that. You could hear that unmistakable voice from over a mile. Diviiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnne! It bellowed a second time, this time much louder. Off course that was mum, the iron lady of the house, lol. "Mummy am coming, am almost done " I yelled back so she could hear me.
I know why she was calling, I guess It was time to hit the road for my daily hawking. After school, everyday, I carry items on my little tray, to walk about the neighbourhood, looking for customers to sell to, so we could have money to feed. I was barely 11 years old.
You see, growing up was tough. We lacked so many things most children easily had. Mum and dad, as much as they tried, couldn't really make ends meet. Dad lost his job and his business was not doing well. Mum's business was just to get bye. Funny enough in our innocence we actually saw everything as fun. Despite not having what we needed we were quite happy. We loved our parents nonetheless.
As the first son I grew up faster than I should. In the cause of my growing up I had so many experiences . Experiences that will play a big role in my development and stance about life. Most of this experiences were far from being good. Most of them my parents don't even know about till this day.
Truth be told, as tough and terrible this experiences were, they played a big role in shaping my life and making me tje much better person that I am today.
The question is, will I make my kids go through the same path as I did? Off course not. As much as my childhood was filled with joy and helped shape me, I will choose a much different path from the one I had.
My family was pretty large. My siblings and I were 8. Five guys and three girls. Though not that much as a number, but when you factor in the fact that we were barely surviving, you will understand why 8 is actually quite large for a family.
Like I said earlier, dad had lost his work and his side business was not doing much for him. Everything was a struggle. As the first son, I had to take on responsibility far above my age.
I began making money and having a say in fending for the family. Everyday, after coming back from school, I would have to take items on my tray, hawking all over my neighbourhood. Most days I would trek very long distance in order to make enough sales, so we could feed from my sales.
This in itself might not be too much of a bad thing, but the consequence was devastating to my growing up. At that tender age my life was exposed to things I shouldn't even hear about.
In the cause of my daily hustle as a hawker, some of my customers were prostitute. They would owe me and tell me to Rob their breast and private parts in place of the money. I remember a particular incident with a matures male customer. After selling g to him, as I was about leaving, he pulled me back, put down my tray and started kissing me forcefully. I struggled to free my self. I ran leaving my wares behind. My mum had to go and collect them herself, seeing how terrified I was. I never told her what happened on that day till date.
Till this day that incident has not left me. Hawking around the streets of Lagos, I was exposed to a lot of things that I can't begin to mention here. This makes me, whenever I see kids hawking on the street, I feel really bad and I imagine what they could be going through at that age, especially the girls. It's so cold out there I tell you.
No matter how bad it gets(I don't think it will) my kids will never work to provide for me. It's not even an option. I would be the one to always provide for them. That's how it should be.
The size of my family contributed a lot in making the journey a more difficult one. Imagine 8 kids fighting for one form of attention or need. Honestly I don't see myself having more than 2 kids no matter how much money I get to make. In our local parlance, dem no they tell person, (you should be wise enough).
My parents, because they had to hustle hard, were too busy to pay attention to a lot of details in our lives. Due to unnecessary exposure, I indulged in many forms of inappropriate behaviour. I knew things far above my age. At a point this things almost took over me. Perhaps if they had observed or paid more attention they would have put a lot of things in check quite early.
Every step of the way, I will never loose focus of my child's development, growth and behavioural pattern. I want to see every change in attitude, lifestyle and proffer help when it's needed. Unlike my parents I will observe more.
I was exceptionally brilliant but nearly lost it. Never had someone to guide me. Nobody to harness my talent and put me on the right path. I learnt by myself, succeeded on my own, failed on my own even as a child.
A child needs a guide and proper counselling, it is sacrosanct. I will be that guide and more every step they take.
This post is not in any way to paint my parents in a bad light, as a matter of fact they are my hero's. The thing is, you can't give what you don't have. They don't have it, so couldn't give it to us. I wouldn't wish for another parents, even in the next life. In their quest to provide for us, they struggled so hard that they overlooked and missed a lot of fundamental aspects of child training. They really wanted the best for us though, so wouldn't blame them for anything.
As said, my childhood was tough and at the same time so much fun filled with adventures. As much as I really loved it then, I wouldn't wish for any of my kids to experience them.
For so many reasons, the experiences, though mainly negative, really shaped me and toughened me into being a better and hardworking man. Whatever it will take, my child will have a fun-filled childhood with a totally different approach to parenting from my side