The society sets a lot of expectations for almost everyone at different stages in life, right from when you're a toddler to when gray is the only visible color of hair that can be seen on your head, and to be fair, some of these expectations are good and go on to be a positive push and motivation that pushes us into the right direction. However, some of these expectations can go on to be so toxic, to the point where they ask for too much from individuals, not caring about their own pain, reasons, and the like, and in this article I'll be stating my take on these matters and others that revolve around them.
If you were to find yourself in a society like we have here in Nigeria, you'll at different points in your life encounter these expectations, both when you are too young to understand what is expected of you and when you can understand it. Take for instance here's an expected age that a child is expected to start crawling, and when they're not doing that, you'll see both parents and well-wishers around them doing different things to make sure that comes to reality; the same goes for when it's time for a child to start walking. As we grew, these expectations began to take shape in different aspects of our lives, in school, at home, in our dealings, and the like.
Like I said, to be fair, some of these expectations are great and go a long way in helping us do things at the right time, and when we've achieved them, we can't help but appreciate the fact that we've got these expectations laid down to motivate us towards doing those things. However, it's worth noting that not everyone has the same life or path to walk, and we can't, because everyone is doing a particular thing, then force and try to make sure an individual must do it as well; we ought to at least try to find out their reasons and guide them with solemn words rather than just pushing them with these expectations to the point where it leads to depression for the individual themselves.
I can remember how not only my parents but also elderly colleagues, neighbors, and the like would approach me and say, "Mr. Man, you're of age, have a decent job, and yet you're not married." They'll go on to say a man who has all of these things ought to have been married in their mid-twenties, and yet here I am in my thirties, unmarried. On most occasions I just thank them and say I'll work on it; some even go as far as to suggest a lady for me, which is kind of absurd. The same is the case with my parents, especially my mom; when she began to involve my dad and I saw it was becoming too much, I had to sit them down one day and let them know I can't be rushed into such a thing. Fine, I understand they love me and want the best for me, but I won't rush into such a trivial thing all because everyone feels like there's a time frame it ought to have been done in.
These expectations might come with good intentions, but life is too delicate to start dictating for people what they ought to have done and what they've not done. Not everyone has the capability to handle such, and if it overweighs them to the point where they see themselves as a failure, it would not only lead to depression but also make such a person suicidal, and that's not what we all want, so we should try as much as possible to understand people's feelings before we start ranting about what is expected of them at a certain age or what they ought to be doing or have done with the kind of resources available or unavailable to them.
All photos are mine.