"Just forgive and forget and watch how you'll easily move on from past hurt and disappointment" is what everyone preaches to a victim of disappointment, betrayal, and hurt. But is it that easy to forgive someone who hurt or betrayed us despite the level of trust we must have invested in the person? And if at all you forgive, can you say that of a truth it's easy or ideal to forget what they've done to us and how much impact such had on our mental and emotional health? In this write-up I'll be extensively talking about my personal opinion on forgiveness and forgetting, as well as things that revolve around it.
To start with, I'd like to say forgiving and forgetting are nothing close to a package deal at all, and my reasons for saying that aren't far-fetched. To start with, we all can agree to the fact that forgiving is a conscious act of letting go of resentment or anger towards someone who hurt us, and these are mostly done with the desire to get internal peace, while on the other hand, forgetting is totally erasing all acts of memories of how someone hurt us, making it seem as though such never happened in the first place. So with that being said, is it possible to forgive and forget?
The answer is that yes, it's indeed possible to forgive and forget, but then it's worth noting that while it's easy to forgive, forgetting isn't in any way easy at all, and aside from the fact that it's not easy, remembering how someone hurt us or who hurt us has a way of protecting us from giving room for such to happen again, and that's why for me as an individual, I tend to find it easy within my heart to forgive someone. What I wouldn't do, though, is forget, and I'm not doing that so I can safeguard myself from letting such harm or betrayal repeat itself.
Talking about if it's possible for one to exist without the other, I must say that yes, it's very possible for them to exist separately; in fact, it's one of the most common things we see in our world today, whereby an individual forgives the person who hurt them but never forgets it for precaution's sake, and I can't hold them to it, because even I myself find it hard to do so.
Talking about how most people believe you've not actually moved on from past hurt because you refuse to forget them, I beg to differ, because I think it's very possible to forgive and have moved on but still remember someone who has hurt you or what they did exactly. You remembering doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them; it only means you've built a protective wall around your heart so as to be cautious of anything that has to do with completely trusting that person once again.
I understand it's very possible to forget how someone hurt us, but it's worth noting that such always takes time and an intentional act by the person who hurt us to be doing things that show they're truly remorseful and can be trusted to not do such again, and over time you'll get comfortable with them to the point where you won't remember anything ever happened between you in the past.
Regarding if forgiving and forgetting is a realistic demand, the truth is that yes, it's a realistic one; it's just that it talks about genuine forgiveness, intentionality by both parties, and time for the heart to heal to the point of not having any scar of the past hurt visible on it.
All photos are taken and edited on canva application photo library.