There are many things in life that cause me to sit in a quiet corner with my thoughts and reflect deeply on them. Sometimes, it involves interrogating my stance on a particular issue, deciding whether someone deserves to remain in my life, or evaluating what I have achieved within a certain time frame. Other times, I reflect on whether someone’s complaints about my behavior are valid or I consider the past actions I took that could have been better thought out. And unlike many people, I cultivated the habit of self-reflection at a young age.
I was about 10 years old when I had my first diary. I often wrote about how I felt with each passing day. I also penned down the encounters I had with people and how I responded to different situations. This relationship with my diary was a form of self-reflection, which is now popularly referred to as journaling, although I did not know that at the time until I became an adult. Over the years, I have realized how much it helped me become more aware of myself, my surroundings, and the events that take place in my life, as well as how to approach different situations with clarity.
In the past, some of my friends and acquaintances would see me sitting alone, staring into blank space, and immediately make it a point of discussion. They often assumed that being too comfortable being alone was a sign of an internal problem I had, and they were genuinely worried. Little did they know that I was simply in my moment of reflection.
Sometimes, I would quietly repeat words of affirmations or the decisions I wanted to hold myself accountable to, and the sheer sight of me speaking to myself made them more worried about me. Over time, some of them began to understand why I made time to sit with my thoughts and even adopted the habit themselves. For those who never came to that realization, I assumed they found it difficult to be alone with their thoughts, which I believe is not a healthy way to live.
One might ask why I carried out some of my deep self reflection activities in front of others, and I also would have wondered if someone did that in front of me. But at the time, I had limited options. As a teenage girl in boarding school, privacy was quite difficult to achieve, so I had to create quiet moments for myself regardless of who was present in the room with me.
Thankfully, I now have the opportunity to reflect in my personal space, with little to zero distractions. In my home, I often reflect in the early hours of the morning when the environment is as quiet as a graveyard. Other times, like yesterday, I do some self-reflection in the evening when the day is almost over. It was a rainy and calm evening, so I spent time reflecting on my health choices, what I have done so far to improve my reproductive health, and what steps I need to take to ensure my overall well-being is prioritized at all times.
After that reflection, I felt a deep sense of clarity and purpose, particularly because I realized I had spent quality time thinking about something meaningful. That moment of reflection led me to make a decision I had been postponing for a while now. I decided that that my next hospital visit would include a full body scan to enable me stay informed about my health status. I ended the day feeling satisfied and hopeful, and I spent some time listening to soul music, which made the whole time refreshing for me.
I may not always have the luxury of time to reflect in my personal space, but one thing is certain, I will take out time to do so whenever it's necessary. It could be during a long drive to a distant location, an evening walk, or a quiet moment at work. The single realization that I can choose to reflect on anything at all regardless of where I am, is the most comforting thing and I do hope I never stop indulging this habit of mine.
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