Life has its ups and downs, and due to the recent happenings in the world, our close spaces and communities have been filled with so much negativity from both the internet and offline media. Every day, you can see the desperation, the terror, and lack of hope in the eyes of many people. The terrible projections on your life from those suffering from one frustration or the other is enough to get yourself consumed by that negative energy. But when you take a moment to reflect on everything, you would realize that no matter how difficult life may be, there is still something to be grateful for. You also begin to understand that a lot of energy you spend focusing only on what snatches your peace away can also be channeled towards appreciating the little things that makes life meaningful.
As someone who is socially, emotionally, and politically aware of the injustices, crimes, and hardships in my environment, as well as global issues like wars and low tolerance for people's choices and existence, it can be difficult to feel grateful for anything at all. In times like this, it becomes difficult for me to turn a blind eye to these realities and not feel some kind of hatred towards life and those causing harm to the harmless, but I have been learning to step back and focus on gratitude. And right now, one thing I am grateful for is my ability to remain calm and less reactive in the face of anger, hurt, and grief.
Over the years, I have realized that I tend to overlook bad behavior from people I deeply care about. Even when their ideologies are built on bad faith, I give them grace, hoping for a change. I only express strong displeasure over it when I reach my elastic limit. When that happens, it becomes difficult to control my reactions. I become very reactive and express my feelings without considering how the other person might feel. While such reactions may feel justified, I often sit back with myself to reflect on how I handled my emotions and I realize that it was unnecessary to allow situations to push me to that point. I sometimes regret saying some harsh truths in those vulnerable moments and I beat myself up for letting people see that side of me.
Fortunately, this year has been different. I've been handling my emotions and reactions more carefully to avoid getting to the point of anger. There have been instances where people have repeatedly parroted harmful ideologies, supported unfair laws affecting vulnerable people, and somehow returned to my life without accountability. In the past, this would have triggered strong reactions from me, but now, I respond more calmly. I interact with those kind of people in a neutral manner without allowing their negative words or actions to elicit an emotional response from me.
I also experienced a difficult situation in February, which I am still processing in the most painful way. Fortunately again, despite how challenging it has been, I have been able to manage my emotions better. I have chosen not to react painfully by expressing my hurt on any social platform, which I would usually do. Instead, I've been focusing more on the present and what I can control. Rather than letting the sad stories of other people going through similar pains trigger a reaction from me, I totally ignore and mute all keywords relating to it. Even when I hear more terrible news on the Internet, the only thing I do these days is allow myself grief the situation in my quiet space and pick myself back up.
This year, I also had a hard time with someone I worked with, which caused me to act out of character a few times. I later realized that I was always more reactionary than calculative. Thankfully, I've been able to get myself back on track and I now handle people and the situations they bring with more wisdom.
Even now, I sometimes notice some manipulative patterns and poor behaviours towards me that could trigger a bad response, but since I already made a conscious effort to become less reactive, I try to keep my interactions with people either casual or professional. Nothing in between. When I notice that someone keeps acting a certain way to potentially trigger me or make me feel less deserving of kindness, I choose to ignore and distance myself further rather than react impulsively. This, to me, is growth.
My ability to learn from my past experiences and behaviour, regain control of my emotions, and commit to improving my emotional strength in a world filled with a lot of negative energy, is truly the one thing I'm grateful for so far. Learning to apply restraint and tone down my desire for frequent confrontation has been a worthy ride, and I remain committed to becoming better and being a less reactive individual over time.
All images used in this post are mine.
When they're not, I make sure to credit the source.
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