I often wonder if my past self met the present me— would she recognize me? I have gone through a lot in the space of 16 years. I have passed through things that left scars in my mind and things I can no longer remember, all these things that somehow shaped who I am today.
But most times I tell myself I didn't change, I think I would be very recognizable to my past self. I have seen so many people who have changed that one wonders if they are actually the person that one knew back then. But me? I didn't change like that.
Some people knew me a little, and when they see me today they wouldn't be surprised.
As someone who finds making decisions very stressful, especially when I start overthinking, I can still say that my choices affected me. Perhaps it's these choices that made me remain the same.
I mean…don't get me wrong. I have grown in every aspect, but sometimes I feel like I just evolved and never changed.
But still, it is hard for me to believe that back then, at some point in my life, I knew the road could get rough, but I honestly didn't expect it to.
Back then, I was a little girl who had dreams of making her parents proud. The only thing I worried about was school.
But now life has shown me that there is much more to it than we realize.
One of the major shifts in my life was before graduation from secondary school.
Normally, I was the kind of girl who yes had very few friends, but I enjoyed staying alone. And before that time, my eyes had opened a long way to see the true face of life.
While I was wondering and thinking about getting into the university after writing exams, many people were more worried about the clothes and what they had planned for their graduation.
It was then that something changed in me.
I went home and pondered a lot about the graduation. The choices I laid down for myself were either I change and go to the party and join the flock, or if I went and stayed alone and still waste my time, or if I didn't go at all and be myself, but this time having in my mind that it wasn't about being alone, but knowing that life can never be shared.
It was then that I decided that I couldn't force myself to change for anyone. If I am ever to change, it would be for me.
Fast forward to now I don't see myself as lonely. I just understand that I need to be independent, more resilient, wiser, calmer, more ambitious, and more realistic.
If my past self saw me today, she might be surprised, but I think she’d smile and recognize me. She would be proud, like I am of myself, because even though life has changed me, I’ve stayed true to the heart of who I am.
Image is mine