Hello Neighbors,
Today’s Neighborhood news is very important, so drop (or gently place on the ground) everything you’re doing and listen to the words coming out of my mouth. Listen very carefully, with full attention. You should be taking notes. The notepad and plastic Bic pen that was left on your kitchen table last night by the Neighborhood Watch Association while you were sleeping are perfect for just this very situation. (If the pen doesn’t work, writing in blood is a quick and easy alternative.)
First up:
Do not panic. This is an alert.
Do not panic! This is an alert!
DO NOT PANIC! THIS IS AN ALERT!
- The Sun has disappeared. It's around noon. We can still feel its heat, and we still pick up on solar radiation with our monitoring equipment, but the Sun just isn’t there. We don’t know where it went, or why, but we’re hoping our new scientists figure this out soon, for their sake and ours. If they haven’t found the Sun in the next few days, we’ll have our engineers make a new one. Until then, the power grid is still online so we have home and street lights.
- The lack of sunlight is not an excuse for a poorly maintained yard. Excuses like “photosynthesis is necessary for plant growth” will not be tolerated.
In other news, the Tennis Meet was a blast to watch. In hindsight we probably should have cleaned up the corpses and blood from the tennis courts, but the added variables made for an exciting afternoon of challenging sport.
Speaking of 
You can drop your aforementioned notepads off at the closest PO Box for evaluation of stenographic ability.
That is all.
(Looking to move into The Hood? We have vacancy! All are welcome! Become One of Us here: https://beta.steemit.com/created/hive-154988 Be Our Neighbor.)