Hive Writer's Block and the Need for Authentic and Full Expression - April 6, 2022

Warm greetings all. 🙏 💚

For more than two months now, as part of my commitment to Hive, I've made at least one post, and sometimes two, each day. For the most part it's flowed pretty easefully. Since yesterday, however, I've had a notable experience of writer's block.

I've been feeling quite good as of late, other than having a challenging time sleeping well here at The Sanctuary of The Blue Dragon (in Seaview, Lower Puna, on the Eastern side of the Big Island of Hawai'i), where I now live part time, when I'm not in the off-grid, food-forest, jungle intentional community where I've lived for more than three and a third years. In the structure where I've been sleeping lately in my jungle community, which is quite far in the jungle, with nobody around, and no electronics other than my phone, I seem to sleep very well. As soon as I come back to Seaview, however, I don't seem to sleep very well at all (Seaview is basically a suburb - a very Hawaiian jungly suburb, but a suburb nonetheless, with many people in quite close proximity). It's pretty frustrating. I've been listening to various neural resonance/brainwave entrainment tracks to assist, which does help to some degree, but I really need to get to the bottom of why sleeping here has been so difficult, and I shall.

I'm sure my lack of sleep, and all of the things I'm juggling in my life right now, are contributing to my present Hive Writer's Block. My partner, Hive account@kai-sunrise, told me this morning that feeling uninspired around a creative project often means that we need to share in a more vulnerable, more authentic, more genuine, and more real way. That struck a cord in me. While I do share quite a bit more of myself here on Hive than I have pretty much anywhere else in the digital world, I also realize that I've gotten into habitual patterns and routines here on Hive, and in truth I'm not actually sharing what is most alive in me, and important to me.

There is honestly so much that I have a deep yearning and longing to share within this context, that I often don't end up sharing much at all, and find myself defaulting to the above mentioned habitual patterns and routines; things that I've found that work here. I think I need to change that.

For most of my life I've had two equal and opposing desires within me - one, to put myself fully and authentically out into the world, and two, to stay hidden and safe. The desire to put all of me out in the world grows stronger by the day, and it's making me pay attention. I have so much to share, to give, to offer, to teach, and to contribute, across a rather staggering range of domains, and often very outside the box (I color way outside the lines), that I need to summon my deepest courage, put my heart on the line, and just do it. I realize some, perhaps many, may not like or understand what I express, and that's OK. I need to express it anyway.

Me enjoying my superfood coffee this rainy morning.

Thank you all here in the We Are Alive Tribe for sharing this moment of clarity with me! 🙏 💚