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I drove for miles... to visit my Dad, my Mom, and two brothers. I arrived mid-morning, but the air was soft with mist. I walked the cemetery grounds... gravel crunching beneath my shoes. This is a familiar path for me. I brought four bouquets of roses, bright for remembrance and fragrant for love.

As I drew nearer to them, hush settled over me. It's not just because of the quiet surroundings... but from the weight of memories pressing against my chest. The sight of their names etched in stone never gets easier, but it is so familiar now.

I knelt, brushing away the leaves and the bits of earth, and placed the bouquet of roses, one in each... the four of them rest side by side. Grief stirred in me. Not sudden, but steady. Not fierce, but familiar. Not as a storm, but as warmth... moving through me like sunlight melting the frost.

I stayed there a long while, letting the silence speak. I traced each name with my fingers, slow and reverent, as if touching the letters could bring back the laughter, the teasing, and the quiet comfort of their presence.

I whispered a few words to each of them. Not rehearsed. Just what came.

"Thank you, Dad, for teaching me how to fix things with my hands."
"Mom, do you know that I hum while I cook? Just like you!"
A joke for my brothers, one they'd groan at, then laugh at anyway.

The mist began to lift, and I took it as a sign. Not of closure... grief doesn't close like a book... but a continuation. Of being able to carry them with me, not just in sorrow, but in strength. God, I was clueless!!! They were here, and now they are gone!!! I cried and let the tears fall. I just held them close. Love always outlives the loss.

I stood slowly from the cold ground and walked to the car.

I drove away with the windows cracked, letting the wind carry the scent of roses and memory. And as I turned onto the main road, I whispered aloud what I've always known in my heart:

I am forever grateful for the undying love they all showed me. It sustains me. It's the quiet strength beneath my steps, the warmth in my heart when the world feels cold.