For the past 6 years I have been dreaming of working full time with my art. It was in late 2014 I realized that my life was more important than working, paying my billsand eventually die. I wasn't happy, I was deeply depressed. I felt like I wanted to run from everything but i didn't know where to go. But before I go there, let me tell you a little bit about my life

I was born in south of Sweden in a city called Malmo. It is the third biggest city in Sweden right across the ocean from Copenhagen (Denmark). I don't remember much of course but I do have memories from when I was about 3-4 years old. I remembered that we were living in Locarno, the Italian part of Switzerland. We stayed at my mothers ex husband for about 1 year. I have some flashes of memories but nothing major. My first real memory was when I got the news that my mother had Cancer. This was in 1990 and I was 4 years old.

At first we were told that my mother only had about 6 months to live. But when you are that young you can't grasp the fact that one day my mother wont be around. My mother wanted me to have a childhood as normal as possible so we tried to just live on. She tried out every alternative medicine she could find and at one time she was declared free from cancer.

Unfortunately only 6 months later the doctors saw that the cancer had just spread to the entire body. By the time I was 8 I had to push my mother in a wheelchair and I had to grow up very fast. The years passed on and although I had a sick mother I did everything the other kids did. I have to say that up to 14 years of age I had a good time growing up. But in April of 2001 the doctors informed us that she had a brain tumor. Now I really knew that my mother didn't have much time left.

I was forced to move to my father. I never liked my father, he was aggressive and drank way to much. I didn't know that the alcohol was the main problem back then but it is something I've realized later. I used to hide in our apartment when he was going to pick me up over the weekends. I was afraid of him.

In May the same year my mother passed away only 51 years old. I knew it could happen but some how I tried to suppress my feelings and I tried to live a normal life. I have always had a talent for drawing as long as I can remember but it was after my mother died that I started drawing almost every day. Sometimes I could sit 24 hours without doing anything else. I was in another world and was totally focused in the image I tried to create.

By the time I wanted to develop my talent and wanted to study art in high school. But my father always told me that I would never make it because there are so many people who are good artists. He told me that I had to study economics because that is where you make money.

The years passed by and I spent all my time in school and sports in the evenings. In high schol I played soccer, badminton, volleyball and tennis. All in the same time.
I spent maybe 20 to 25 hours per week in sports during my high school years. I think I did that to not think about what had happened. I tried to drown my feelings with school and exercise.

Drawing of a Female Lion

When I was 18 I moved out from my father, I couldn't stand him anymore. I found a little apartment near Malmo where I had once lived. I found a job and I replaced school and exercise with work. I never took any vacation and I accepted all the extra work I could get. I did this for about 8 years, then it all hit me at once.

I was 27 at the time when the death of my mother caught up on me and my emotion went crazy. I fell in a deep depression and I tried to take my life several times. I lost my job, my apartment and all my friends in the process.
I never felt so alone in my entire life. I started smoking weed to feel a little bit better, and if it wasn't for the weed I wouldn't be alive today. It gave me some hope and I felt like my brain started thinking again. I could process everything that had happen in my life much more easily if I smoked.

I came up with a crazy idea that I should move out in the forest in the area where my mother was growing up. I searched the internet for the cheapest cabin I could find.

Drawing of a thinking chimpanzee

The cabin I found was about 30km from the nearest town, far out in the wilderness. Here I could relax, focus on myself and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Not long after I moved in I had a spiritual awakening. I don't know if it was the environment or the fact that I was alone but I felt like some strange energies was watching over me. I started meditating every day and when I didn't meditate I researched different topics. I went very deep down in the rabbit hole and realized that the world was very different from what I thought.

I didn't want to go back to a 9 to 5 job. I was fed up with the slavery most of us are living in. I wanted to find something that gave me meaning to life and didn't feel like work.

I found a platform called Steemit that most of you know about. I had read about bitcoin an blockchain and I thought I should give it a try. The person that introduced med to steemit in 2016 said I should post things that I have a passion for. Something that I've always liked to do. That was when I figured I should post my art.

After a break of almost 10 years I started drawing again. It didn't take long until I was in a good flow and my mind was in the same world I was in when I was younger. I sat in this cabin every day for almost a year just drawing and posting it on steemit. I made some money but I was very broke. Sometimes I had to fish or find food in the forest to eat but I survived. I did something I liked and that was good.

Unfortunately I had to move out from the cabin after a year so I decided to travel. It was winter in Sweden and I didn't want to be homeless in the cold. I bought a cheap flight to Malaga Spain and packed everything I needed in two backpacks.
I ended up staying in Spain for 6 months but that story I can tell you another time.

Back in Sweden I was still broke and homeless. I tried to draw but the stress of getting money made me unmotivated and depressed. this was when Steemit got filled with rich people who sucked up all the steem by promoting their own garbage posts. All the minnows got destroyed and I felt like I had to do something else to get an income.

After this I have tried so many things. I have tried berry picking, gold prospecting, Mushroom picking, growing weed and a lot more. But every time I felt like I came up to the surface something pulled me down again. I have tried to start posting again on steemit but something always happened preventing me to draw.

Today It's a little bit better. I feel like I have more energy and a much more positive feeling about life. I want to dedicate my time to my art and I want to share it with the world. But to do that I need help.

I have no home but I don't think I want to rent anything either. I feel stuck when I have to pay massive amounts of money in rent. plus it's very hard for me to find a place that I like. Instead I want to find myself a camper van. Nothing fancy, just a cheap van that is working.

I also want to start with oil painting again. I have done some paintings but oil paint is a bit expensive.

That is why I'm asking for help. I don't like asking but I feel that It can't hurt.
I have some assets saved, some silver, gold and crypto. I had more before but I had to sell some to live a few months ago when things were tough.

I could share my Bitcoin or Litecoin address but I feel like Hive Is the easiest.

Even if you doesn't donate I am very happy that you've read this far. If you did it means that my story and my life resonated with you. Then I hope you will share this post so it reaches as many as possible. and while you do you can press that follow button and hopefully we will meet again :)

Hive account@realitycartoon

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