Me: “Why, you would rather live in a world where everyone would rather just keep wearing their masks?— ”
T: “Yes!”
Me: “No!”
I could already start feeling the tension in our conversation. He was raising a point against my stand on vulnerability. Why I think people should reveal themselves more rather than hide it.
T: “What if Adam and Eve didn’t eat the forbidden fruit of the tree?”
Me: “There wouldn’t be any police officers, teachers, engineers, millionaires who hoard 80% of the world’s wealth— there wouldn’t be any need for hierarchies, or civilization, or even systems”
I thought that if everyone were just more honest with themselves, we wouldn’t be having these cultural problems in the first place— the indifference to suffering, thoughts of “it’s either me or them”, scarcity, deceit, deception— all in the name of what? Survival? We are already done with survival.
I thought that if everyone just has enough courage to take off their masks or whatever they tie their identities to, and reveal just how they are just like everyone else— how vulnerable they are, how human they are— in spite of all the roles they are trying to carry, collective humanity might have a fighting chance.
Empathy could save the world.
Maybe it must have been the summer heat or the stress of the commute, but I noticed how heated our conversation was becoming, and was already reaching an impasse.
I go back to this exchange whenever I think about The Fall. My friend and I were in the bus overlooking the sight of people walking, and busying themselves with their own personal concerns. Sometimes I wondered if they even stopped to notice the hue changing across the horizon due to golden hour.
It’s only lately during one of my Sunday services where it hit me—
The debate on whether or not the Creation story is valid— is useless. It’s absolutely pointless.
The nakedness Adam and Eve bore wasn’t the actual nakedness from their physical bodies, but their authenticity, their truthfulness, their vulnerability, to God and to each other. When they ate the forbidden fruit from the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were not only saying No to being dependent on Divine wisdom, but they were essentially saying “Sorry Lord, we can do this without you. We really don't need your help”, and the way they did that was through shame.
Shame is the mask we put on because we are too afraid to show our true selves.
Shame is the clothes we wear because we are too afraid to be judged by our scars.
Shame is the leaves Adam and Eve sewed together when they ate the forbidden fruit because they realized how vulnerable they were. It meant they didn’t trust the Lord anymore, and they didn’t trust each other.
Me: “Are people really that allergic to telling their truth?”
T: “I reveal myself in increments… even a wounded animal hides their wounds”
At the back of my mind, I thought: “then how are you going to get that healed?”
How many of us have gotten familiar with this narrative playing out before?
How many of us have become accustomed to the voices barking at the back of our heads saying
how we are “not (beautiful/rich/handsome/tall/thin) enough” or
how we are “too much”, or
how “if they find out this part about me, they won't love me and I will be all alone” or
how no one is going to love you because “of what you did/who you are/how you will never change”
We live in a society where we would rather have one-night stands, than admit what made us feel rejected, inadequate, and alone as children. We live in a society where people gauge who we are by the degrees we graduated from, not by the honesty on what makes us sad, or what we are afraid of. We live in a society where we would rather use carnality as basis for connection, rather than authenticity.
We hide the parts of ourselves that we think are unlovable out of shame because we think it’s going to warrant us love and belonging— the very things that we need to cushion the emptiness of life. But the irony is, we kill shame by putting it into the light— by surrendering it.
Lines like the ones I’ve mentioned often play at the back of our heads like a broken record even without us knowing. We hide it behind our accolades, our achievements, our bank statements, our super-toned supermodel bodies, and pursuit of worldly perfection and praise. We reason with ourselves until it becomes too late, and we become comfortable being out of breath from all the chasing— becoming trapped in the very prison cell we created.
We want to hide and avoid the discomfort surrendering entails, not knowing how we are missing out on the freedom that comes after.
It’s possible to live a life that is free from shame.
It’s possible to be completely loved for who you are, rather than someone you’re pretending to be.
I passed by a line on social media once “Shame dies when stories are told in safe places”. I hope all of us gain the courage to see shame for what it truly is, and how it is keeping us from the very things we desire the most— love and belongingness.
It’s not too late.
Freedom is real, and you don’t have to keep playing anti-hero anymore.
ABOUT THE PROTEAN CREATOR
Roxanne Marie is a twenty-year-old something who calls herself the Protean Creator.
She is a chemical engineer by profession, pole-dancer and blogger by passion and frustration, and lastly, a life enthusiast. She loves open discourse, witty musings, discussions about abstract and tangible ideas, and any opportunity where she can insert memes into the conversation.
She is on a mission to rediscover her truth through the messy iterative process of learning, relearning and unlearning, and openly discusses the ideas and thoughts that are born from her experiences here on Hive.
Currently, she works as a science and research instructor for senior high school students and as a freelancing content writer in her hometown, Tagbilaran City, all the while documenting her misadventures, misfortunes, pagka-hugotera, reflections and shenanigans as a working-class millennial.
If you like her content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. It would be an honor to have this post reblogged as well. Also, don't forget to follow her to be updated with her latest posts, and catch her next intellectual (and most of the time, untethered) rants.