Watching episode 23 of Mushoku Tensei Jobless Reincarnation brings a bittersweet feeling as another season has ended and will need to wait till the next one.
While I have read some parts of the manga but I just loved how Studio Bind has animated it.
I somehow have a soft spot for NEET characters who got Isekaid into another world by dying accidentally in their original world.
More so with hikikomoris as I relate to them.
You see there was a point in my life when I withdrew from general society and refused to leave the house. It was that time when I got fed up with the politics of corporate life and the resentment I had with those in power.
I left and felt sorry for myself that I did not fight and retreated into the darkness.
A lot of these NEET anime characters have in some way a trauma that induced their strong desire to leave the world behind and escape into what they perceived as the safety of their room, isolated from everyone, even family. I did the same thing.
You start off by saying I'll just rest a day or two. I just need some time to get back my bearings and stand up. Then days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Fast forward almost two years and you are still sitting by the bed in the dark, crying.
I should be stronger than this you would say but it's just so hard to stand up again. Yet fail each time and you sink deeper and deeper into a depressive state. You can't do anything.
The worst things are when you start having suicidal ideations. Of thinking, I should have just died, or I am worthless and no one will greave if I die.
These emotions manifest into the universe and it seemingly gives you a way out. A bottle of pills, an electric socket, acid, a knife, or a razor within reach. These are actions that need to be done.
The universe also answers in a way involuntary. An accident of falling down the stairs, being hit by a truck or a car, or stabbed by someone. There are no accidents in the world as it is a manifestation of something grander.
So the Neet, in this case, Rudeus finds himself born in another world with the memories of his past life intact. Set in what looks like a world during the Middle Ages but with one distinct difference. The presence of magic!
Just like Rudeus, we stare as magic is performed right in front of us and we cannot help but be as awed as him that magic in that world exists.
He is set to learn it but at first thwarted by his father, Paul, as he wants his son to be a swordmaster like him.
We often see the snarky side of Rudy during his exchanges with his father and his constant side comment how he is a terrible father.
We will then meet several integral characters as we watch Rudy start his adventure in the Central region and then wind up in the Demon Continent.
We see several times flashbacks of Rudy's previous life as well as his trauma and his subsequent retreat into the darkness. I couldn't help but relate albeit it was a different circumstance but the pain is the same.
He is so determined in this world to do something and holds himself responsible for several characters that he cares about. This spurs him to action and not give up no matter how difficult things are.
There are several really great action sequences and solutions that give us that wow moment but it is those emotional sequences that tugs at your heart and make you be invested in Rudy's journey. You can't help but want to root for him even if he sometimes comes out as a pervert and weirdo.
Then we arrive at episode 23 entitled "Wake up and one step forward" as we go full circle and see an event that devastates Rudy and once again we see him in a dark room unable to move.
We see him struggle as both the past and the present seemingly mirror but have the same pain and feeling of loss.
This is again a turning point for him as he wallows in self-pity and is unable to do anything. Then in one of his dreams, he sees a sign that he needs to get up.
A sign for him to wake up and take that one step forward. We see him on the threshold of darkness and light. We see his hesitation and then he walks forward with that single step and the light is blinding but normalizes and then we realize that we should let our fear stop us from taking that single step.
As always anime has a way of conveying to me certain scenes that urge me forward. Fighting Covid was Haikuu and its theme song Fly gave me strength.
Now it is Rudy seeing him take that one step forward to help me get over my hesitation in stepping out that door.
I need to will myself forward.
I was trying to remember what spurred me to move forward.I had been seeing a therapist for some months then and yet we could not find a breakthrough even when utilizing different techniques.
The trauma no matter how long it was felt fresh each time my mind thought about it.
One of the beauty of maintaining a blog in the blockchain is you get to reread your thoughts from a year or two ago. To remember the words or circumstances that led to me waking up.
It was three things. One, my computer died on me. The power unit got fried and my online lifeline was now gone.
The second was a dream where I had forgiven myself, realizing how I hated myself and letting go of hating me.
The third was a callous statement from a person I never liked when she saw me and said well you don't look sick.
All of these contributed to me taking that first step.