See, when people ask to buy an alien puppy in the 23rd century, life becomes complicated in ways they weren't before Earthlings really began roaming the galaxy.
I as a family man headed off the problems by taking my family to the nearest local alien petting zoo, and letting my children discover the cute animals of the galaxy and also why taking them home to a house of Earthlings – even a house full of Kirks – just isn't the best idea.
Cousin J.T. had a good laugh about this.
“I sit up here in this starship, Marcus, with shields and all, and you are taking five children to an alien petting zoo – there are few civilian commercial captains I'd put next to me in bravery, but kid, you are earning the comparison even when Earthbound!”
I was home for a year owing to a concussion – since the 21st century, we have learned not to play at all with such things – but with a family of seven, I still had plenty to do once I was up and around.
My baby daughter, Laura Aurelia Kirk, was of course the one asking for a puppy from the far reaches of the galaxy that year, and the happiest to go to the petting zoo until she got there.
“Dad,” she said, “I didn't know pets smelled!”
“You gotta take the whole package deal, Laura,” I said, and took her firmly by the hand and led her into the smells.
The pet above, looking something like an Earth brontosaurus, was indeed a Taravian musk horse – quite a strong-smelling creature although perfectly friendly and docile.
“Just hold your nose and pet it,” I said with a smile as other kids were doing that.
“Ewwwwwwwww!” said my daughters Laura (5), Valerie (11), and Marcia (14), while my son Marcus Valerian (8), known as Mark V. to distinguish him from me (Marcus Aurelius Kirk Jr., or, Mark A.), did just as I had suggested, and then sniffed his hand.
“Well,” he said, “the smell is at least not coming from this end.”
“We'd have to move – no way are we getting this as a pet at home!” Marcia said.
“Well, what about this one?” Laura said, and dragged me across the room to a Lapizian frog-dog.
“Okay, that's not a bad idea, but, let's read the sign here,” I said. “ 'These are puppies that you see, on display at the petting zoo before being adopted out to zoos and sanctuaries across the galaxy.' ”
“Wait,” Valerie said. “These are puppies? They are already bigger than most dogs!”
“ 'The Lapizian frog-dog, fully grown, is an amphibious creature that compares in size to an Earth elephant,' ” I said.
“Oh, no – we won't even have a back yard by the time that thing is a teenager like me!” Marcia said.
“Okay, well, what about this one – it's just about a regular dog!” Laura said, and dragged me over to the Dutebiean Dingo exhibit.
Now, I have to say that a Dutebian Dingo is a nice idea of a pet, on the surface. The puppies were as cute as they could be, and the adults were massively friendly as well.
Yet nobody had noticed or taken seriously why the zoo had an increasing number of “Please turn off the bell on your personal communications devices” in my family except for the one member of my family most likely to get an important call beside me: Mrs. V.T. Kirk, also known as Admiral Vlarian Triefield at work. She had double-checked that her personal communications device was on silent twice as we came and approached the Dutebian Dingo exhibit, because she already knew …
Someone else didn't, and their bell went off.
“Hello?” he said, and that was the last thing we would hear clearly for a good while.
The Dutebian Dingo, in its natural environment, operates very much like a wolf, communicating through a series of howls and calls. The difference is, a Dutebian Dingo pack can take faint sounds and amplify them to unthinkable levels … which of course is exactly what happened. The exhibit had to be closed down for the next thirty minutes.
Poor Laura heaved a huge sigh.
“Let's just go home,” she said.
“Okay,” I said, although on the way we paused to observe some Sulaisifor water dogs darting in and out of the water lilies that camouflaged them as they hunted for their lunch...
“So, today we learned that our sense of smell, our sense of hearing, our whole backyard and our neighbor's swimming pool could all get messed up, and that's not even counting feeding these things right here,” Valerie said.
“Well,” Mark V. said, “it's good that we have each other.”
Laura smiled through her tears. She, Mark V., Valerie, and Marcia all embraced, and my wife put baby Laurence down so Marcia could pick him up and have him join the huddle.
“We're the Kirk family!” Laura said when they came out. “We don't need any more help making noise, smells, and taking up space!”
“And, I kinda don't want to give up all my personal communications devices either, so this is good,” Marcia said.
“Gosh, those Dutebian Dingos are loud,” Valerie said. “People need to start reading the instructions, like, for real.”
“Yeah, but, Val,” Mark V. said, “you do know life wouldn't be as interesting or funny if they did, right?”
“Look, Mark,” Valerie said, “We're the Kirks, and we get away with a lot of stuff, but, a lot of other people try the same stuff and then this kind of thing happens. Everybody doesn't have it like we do, and even we need to read the instructions.”
“Yeah, because this whole day would have been really sad if all of you weren't here,” Laura said.
“Let's go home,” I said gently, and, off we went.
These are all pure fractals made in Apophysis 2.09, collected untll I had enough of them to take us all to an alien petting zoo...