I've been out of sorts, there's a reason - it's not my natural state of being - and the reason is valid. Things have shifted for me; backwards, not forwards or sideways and, considering why it's occurred and that there was zero opportunity for me to affect it for the better...well, I'm pretty angry and annoyed...it's only my life we're talking about here. [That was sarcasm]

- G-Dog -

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There's a few here who know me better than most; I'd call them friends, people who I've opened up to and who have opened up to me in return, they know who they are so I don't need to mention them and tagging people for attention is not my way. Some know what's happening with me at the moment and some only know lite version, the basics, however all have shown a level of concern that has touched me and made a difficult situation somewhat less so. Thank you.

I'll admit to having a low tolerance (to everything) currently. I have a low tolerance for fools usually but currently I'm experiencing it in other aspects of life. Justifiable? No, I should have more patience, and I try to, however despite having broad carry heavy shit shoulders...I'm human and occasionally bend under the weight.

It's at times like this I pull back, sort of limit my interaction with others, especially those who I may possibly react negatively to or too strongly against; you know, apply Thor's Hammer instead of a lighter touch. I guess I'm more sensitive to things currently, and rather than do or say something I may regret later I stay within the safety of the perimeter fence I've erected. It is electrified, has a moat, a minefield, is patrolled buy orcs and has lasers and...ok, none of that. I just keep more to myself.

ℒ𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝒾𝓃 𝒞𝓁ℯℴ'𝓈 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹

Cleopatra, (Cleo is what I call her), is one of the most important parts of my life and no matter how I feel, good or bad, she makes me feel better. I'm not sure if it's her calm, loving nature, or just because she's super-cute, but she has a way of making me feel better and when I got home from some medical appointments yesterday I went straight to her, picked her up and gave her a cuddle. She snuggled down into my arms and...I felt instantly better. Less annoyed, less angry and less inclined to stay at the low ebb in which I was in.

It's different, living in Cleo's world instead of the usual one; it's calm and peaceful, a place where unconditional love actually means something and there's no agenda, ulterior motives, or expectations...Just cuddles, noises that convey what words could never and complete and utter trust. I love that feeling, knowing that Cleo trusts and loves me implicitly, no matter what. It makes me feel happy.

𝒯ℴ𝒹𝒶𝓎, 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝒹𝒶𝓎 ℐ'𝓋ℯ 𝒶𝓌ℴ𝓀ℯ𝓃 𝓉ℴ 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓁𝓉ℯ𝓇ℯ𝒹 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 ℴ𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ, ℐ 𝓈𝓅ℯ𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒞𝓁ℯℴ.

We played a little and then she slept while I read my book and watched a movie or two. We had lunch and coffee together, well, she watched me do that, and then we had a snooze; something she is very good at.

I needed today to process my situation, to think about and be angry about the things that others have caused to come into being through negligence, things that will affect my life moving forward. I found that as I thought about it more I became more myself; the man who sees an issue, strategizes, plans, makes decisions and acts to move forward. I also stood up, figuratively speaking, and dusted off a little, something that I'm pretty good at. Raging about what happened, what will happen moving forward, and things I can't actually affect or change, is unproductive and I needed some time spent in Cleo's world to reach that understanding. Sure, I knew it, but the anger and annoyance, despair too, had narrowed my, usually, excellent vision.

Am I ok? Well no not really, will I work to be as ok as possible? Of course. I'm not the guy who stays down when knocked down. I have resilience, persistence and a habit of seeking solutions and moving towards them. Yes I fail, but in this I can't, there's no wriggle-room in it for me, so dusting off and moving forward is all I could do and thanks to Cleo I found detachment today which allowed me to see things with greater perspective.

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My household revolves around Cleo. It's her world, and I'd have it no other way. She is an incredibly important part of my life and in moments like the last few days plays pivotal role in bringing me what I need: Perspective, peace, connected-solitude and the space to fund the answers, the way forward, that lies within me.