How to be professional at work

Here's a few tips on how to up your professionalism at work which could result in many benefits like not getting fired, gaining a promotion and not being beaten up or murdered.

• Replace the words, "fuck you" with, "ok great, thanks for your input."

• Don't slap the office hottie on the ass as you walk by, be respectful and courteous.

• Don't masturbate in the office, and if you have to make sure you don't get caught.

• Wear pants or a dress, going to work in your underpants could be seen as unprofessional. Try dressing appropriately which could enhance your opportunities for promotion.

• Try not to have sex with the bosses wife or husband, it probably won't earn you a promotion or pay increase.

• Try and reduce the amount of nude selfies you send to your work colleagues by text or email; those dick or pussy pictures might seem like a good idea but they might cause complications.

• If you're on a work trip and have the company credit card try your hardest not to use it to buy cocaine, sex toys and hookers; that's always difficult to explain to the accounting department.

• Don't call clients a "stupid cunt" when they say dumb things, even if they are cunts. Replace that with, "that's a fascinating thought, let's consider it for a moment."

That's about it for now; a few little tips that you might not have thought of which could up your professionalism game at work and put you in a good position for advancement or a pay increase.

Can you think of any other good ones that might work? Feel free to share them.