Never think of coffee unless you're drinking coffee

They say, "never trust coffee when you drink it with someone you trust," or is it, "never trust someone who drinks coffee but acts sususpiciously." Maybe it's, "only drink coffee with someone who likes coffee also." Nah, maybe, "never think of coffee unless you're drinking coffee."

I don't fucken know to be honest, people make this coffee thing to damned complicated.

Anyway, I've recently been thinking about coffee - and made sure I was drinking coffee on every single occasion. (And if you believe that you're fucken nuts because I don't spend that much time focused on coffee.)

Seriously though, I've been thinking about coffee and here's why.

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I have a DéLonghi coffee machine that makes Nespresso coffee pods. It's a high-end one that cost me a lot of money back in 2007 but has served me well and continues to do so. It's got settings for this and that, a milk-froth-thingy, on-board water tank and all the usual bells and whistles, and it looks good. Yeah, life is fucken good...but, I've been thinking about coffee mostly while drinking my coffee and have decided I'm not altogether happy with the current situation. Don't get me wrong, the machine I have is legit and I love it but I am pretty sure I'm going to go a different way...when the current one dies.

I'm not a coffee snob, I fucken hate coffee snobs

I like good coffee for sure, (life is too short to drink shit coffee), but for me the moment or situation one is in can make bad coffee good, average coffee great and great coffee orgasmic. Ok, maybe orgasmic is a bit over the top so scratch that comment. I've had cups of instant coffee that have seemed like the best cup of coffee I've ever had - it's about the situation; if you've never had a cup of black instant coffee brewed on an open camp fire with the sun rising in a remote wilderness area as the day comes to life...well, are you really living? (A clue: No you are not!)

So, I think you get my point.

It's not about the coffee so much (for me) although coffee snobs make it about the coffee.

The beans need to be pooped out of a unicorn's asshole then individually roasted by nubile (preferably naked) nymphs with awesome boobs and then ground between those very same boobs into just the right grind before being brewed (using angels tears instead of water of course) and the cup has to be the holy grail or some such mythical (and totally un-real) receptacle (or your enemies' bleached skull). Right? Fucken coffee snobs give me the shits.

Nah, for me it's far more simple. As I said, I like good coffee but I'm not as picky as some people...so why have I decided to move in a different coffee direction?

I'm leaning more toward event coffee and being more engaged with the process.

I mean making something a little more special out of the coffee drinking moment rather thank simply making and drinking it. With my legit DéLonghi-Nespresso-pod coffee machine there's no moment - turn on, put pod in press button - that's it. I'd like to experiment with different coffee's, the grind, intensity and flavours and I like the idea, whilst more complex, of actually making the coffee from scratch so I'm going to get one of those machines that does the grinding and has a milk-steam-frother-thing and all that shit for a more cafe-style experience.

Does that mean I'm turning into a fucken coffee snob?

I'm not sure but it's possible I guess. (Don't tell anyone though.)

With more time available to me I think being more actively involved with the coffee making process, a drink I really enjoy, will bring a deeper level of satisfaction and who doesn't love the smell of coffee brewing in the early morning? (Ort anytime.)

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So what do you reckon? Are you all about instant coffee and Nespresso pods, or are you a fucken coffee snob like I'm becoming perhaps? Do you prefer one of those all-in-one coffee makers that grind the beans like I'm going to get or the more manual moka pot stove-top style? I actually have a few of those moka pot things and have got some amazing results from them - it's what I (generally) use when camping actually.

Anyway, if you want to comment then go ahead...if you don't like coffee it's ok too because you're free to comment about whatever you like as well.

There's about thirteen trillion bonus points available if you can tell who the barista was trying to depict in my coffee crema above. Hint, it's someone very famous. Drop a comment with your guess for a chance to earn many bonus points or comment generally and get no bonus points at all.