I am proud to be a Filipino, and I love so many things about my country and its people. Philippines is the country where I was born, was brought up, then grew up, gained friends, and found love.

Our personality is both genetically and environmentally influenced. Our culture is one of the most critical environmental factors that shape our character and values. Filipinos have a collectivist culture- we value social harmony, being respectful, and the needs of the people around us over individual needs. We can establish socially acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors from our culture and which ones are applauded and despised.

Filipino culture and tradition are beautiful; however, it is far from perfect. As I grew older, I realized things about this culture that I dislike – for the lack of a better term. This article isn't about hate for my people and my country but culture, behavior, and beliefs that don't serve my purpose and values.

Thank God for the internet and television, I came to realize it is possible for people with a different opinion can express their thoughts without threatening their relationship. I used to think it is disrespectful to verbally disagree especially if the person is older or of authority. Constructive criticism is often seen as a personal attack and disrespectful, so it is challenging to come to an insightful conclusion or actionable solution to a problem.

Because of the fear of being wrongly accused of being disrespectful, we develop an ironic aversion to criticism and offenses like sugarcoating, which is absolutely not helpful in situations where honesty and transparency are important.

I witness the highest form of toxicity and saltiness in social media before and during the Philippine National election. People can easily go ballistic hearing criticisms or opinions different from theirs. I've seen friends blocking each other on Facebook as an impulsive response to a dysfunctional political argument.

I grew up with parents telling me that someday, I will be successful and build them a house and give them money. I love my parents. I used to think that I was born to take care of them. I used to think that was my life’s purpose. As I grew older I realize that it is not my responsibility to work my fingers to the bones just to give them a good life – they should have taken care of it in the first place. Do not get me wrong, I love my parents and I would love to take care of them and help them in every way I could. However, when I started earning, I realized it’s hard to build your future while being financially responsible for your parents.

In almost every family I know, there will always be that one person who can earn more and thus will be the one responsible for everybody. Once the person starts giving- it never ends, and it will never be enough. When the person begins to look after him/herself and stop giving, he or she will be seen as a bad person.

For those children who can relate, perhaps it is too late, and in fact, there is no point of blaming our parents. The best thing that we can do, is ending this cycle and secure our own retirement. Soon, when we have our own children, they only have themselves and their dreams to take care of.

I could be wrong in this one – because this observation and opinion is based on the people I grew up with. I don't like lack of accountability and or ownership in our decisions and behaviors. I hear my relatives blaming others for their undesirable circumstances. In my workplace, I see people pointing fingers, making bullshit excuses for incompetency. This is also the same with many incompetent politicians. In Philippine movies and telenovelas, there is so much drama and victimhood that focuses too much on pain or hardship inflicted by the exaggerated personalities of the villains.

Pakikisama is a term that means getting along with others – even if you don't like it, or you're uncomfortable with the company. As a kid, I felt this numerous times especially with my relatives on my mother's side. I was not comfortable hugging and kissing my uncles, but I was forced to do so. You are seen as a snub in the workplace if you don't eat out or drink with your workmates.

In the Philippines, traffic rules are more like traffic suggestions. Jeepney drivers stop in NON-STOPPING zones, people vandalize in POST-NO-BILL walls, and pedestrians do not walk in skywalks and pedestrian lanes. I read an interesting theory somewhere on the internet that Filipino's habit of disregarding the laws and lack of discipline isn't just about their leader's incompetence in implementing the laws. Being colonized for hundreds of years, a self-righteous disobedience against the oppressive Spaniards was developed. It was deemed acceptable and even admirable in the past, and continues to manifest among later Filipinos.

I love that my family and relatives still get together on different occasions. However, I do not like how this strong family ties justifies giving special treatment to a "family member" while sacrificing fairness or the rights of others. For example, if you work in a government office, you are expected to prioritize or provide an "express lane" to your family or relatives with zero regard to others. This kind of expectation for special treatment may extend to friends and aquaintances. For me, it is like a small-scale corruption in the government that can easily transalte to large-scale corruption.

After knowing of my managerial position, my aunts kept urging me to help my cousins get a job in our company. I never did anything which upset my aunt simply because I know he wasn't fit for the job very well.

It is not my intention to bad mouth my countrymen and neither am I saying that all Filipinos are the same. These are behaviors and practices that I personally observed while living for 29 years in the Philippines. I believe that it is always a good thing to be aware and acknowledge what we see as wrong in our own society to give ourselves an opportunity of correcting them.

What about you? Have you observed some practices and norms in your community that you wish would change? Let me know in the comment section below. Until next time.

Anne Porter

_{I'm Catherine Anne - I love to be called by my two names but people are lazy so they call me Anne. I am a Chemical Engineer, Pole Dancer, Cosmetic Nerd and Crypto-Newbie squeezed into a five-foot-one human. I am excited to share pieces of myself with this community. I hope that you love this tiny space I occupy in Hive.}

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