I have a friend who has a baby and the baby has a daddy. I'll be the first person to adamantly tell anyone with ears attached to their heads that my friends baby daddy is a total scumbag. Being that he is both verbally and physically abusive, Ive had to threaten to loosen his jaw for him on several occasions. They haven't been together in almost two years and he's still acting like this out of spite.
She had a particularly bad episode with him one morning where, after hearing she had a girl's night out the previous night, he sqeezed a bottle of his own urine all over her before handing the two year old off on his way to work. "You pissed me off. Now you've been pissed on," he said to her as he laughed and walked away.
After she told me this I, of course, was scheming ways to retaliate. Going to his jobsite and announcing how he treats women at the top of my lungs in front of his coworkers crossed my mind. As did removing the paint out of my paint balls with a syringe and refilling them with my pit bulls urine, (she pees A LOT)
wait for him to drop his daughter off again and light his ass up with about 100 paintballs while he walked back to his car.
In the end, I decided doing anything to him might envoke even more abuse and would only worsen her situation. She's intimidated by his outburts and irrational behavior. I made an immediate decision that the best thing I could for my friend was to help her get comfortable standing tall in the face of her fears. Being her friend, I'm also aware of the fact that she is afraid of heights and I used this to my advantage.
Once i found out what the soonest weekend was that she didn't have her daughter I asked if she would please not make plans because I'd like to take her somewhere. She agreed.
On Friday we drove 3 hours north and camped out at Dingmans Ferry campground located in the Delaware Water Gap. Now, for those unfamiliar with the Delaware Water Gap, it is nowhere near Delaware. It's actually located in NE PA/NW NJ where the Delaware River creates the state border between Pennsylvania and New Jersey. The Appalachian Trail traverses through it and brings hikers to some of the most spectacular waterfalls and swimming holes on the east coast.
We hammocked that night and woke up early Saturday morning eager for the days adventures. After spending some time hiking and swimming we left the Water Gap and headed towards my intended destination. Tucked into the Blue Mountains about 5 miles off the Apalachian Trail in northeast Pennsylvania lies an abandoned slate rock quarry. The landscape is equally as beautiful as the water that filled the massive holes dug into the Earth. At it's highest point you can jump and desend about 100 ft into a cavernous abyss of pure adrenaline and freedom. Being that I have been jumping here since 1998 I know this area to be safe with no hidden surprises under the water. She still had no clue where we were headed and I was thankful that she appreciates the element of surprise as much as I do because she didnt ask a single question the entire ride.
If she was feeling anxious or worried she definitely didn't show it. We parked the car in town, threw on our backpacks and started walking. First, down the streets of the quiet mountain town, then onto a mile long dirt path that winded through the woods and ended at a chain link fence with a giant "NO TRESPASSING" sign screaming at us in violent orange.
I looked at her and said, "Now we go over." She didn't even so much as hestitate to toss her backpack over first and start climbing!! We hiked for another mile or so through the woods until we came upon a section of mountain that appears as if the Earth decided to tilt its head back and gulp it down. It is actually quite terrifying the first time you stumble upon this. You feel small. Weak. Like Jack standing at the base of the bean stalk stretched up to the heavens. Only your standing at the threshhold of a hole straight down to Hades.
She lookedbat this mammouth opening of rock and water in the middle of nowhere and said, "This is amazing. Is this what you wanted to show me?" While turning my video recorder on and handing it off to her I replied as confidently as I could, "Something like that," and walked towards the edge...... Even though I've been there more times than I can count and have jumped every time, its still scary as shit and I've learned the best thing to do is to not think about it. The longer you stand there staring and spitting and counting how long it takes for your spit to hit the water (6 seconds) the less likely you are to jump.
She turned and looked at me with eyes the size of quarters and screams, "OH HELL NO KEVIN!! HAVE YOU COMPLE....." I couldn't hear the rest over the sound of wind and my own involuntary grunting. At least I think that's what that is. It's like your voicebox has been relocated into your lower intestine and starts making a deep groan that quicky works it way up like audible vomit as your abdomen feels like a boa constrictor has you in its death coil. Then, SPLASH!!!
For some weird reason I can never help myself from laughing hysterically while underwater completely engulphed in bubbles and euphoria. My head popped up to the surface and her voice echoed off the walls, "I I I HATE HATE YOU YOU SO SO SO MUCH MUCH RIGHT NOW NOW NOW!" And then another, much fainter voice, "asshole." I started laughing again because i know that really means "Im happy you're in my life.....asshole."
It took 20 mins to scale the wall and follow a trail that loops around and brings you back up. When I got to the top she was standing at the edge staring and spitting (and undoubtedly counting). I picked my phone back up and started recording. I can hear her thoughts: "You can do this," "Your strong, be strong," "1..2..3..shit," "1....2.........ahhhhhh!!!" At this point I gave her that little nudge she needed to face the fear. With a demandingly deep tone I yelled "DON'T YOU EVER LET FEAR STEAL YOUR JOY FROM YOU!! GET IT! GET IT!!!..........and she got it. I heard the involuntary grunt from a female for the first time and was proud.
She resurfaced after a few seconds, swam over to a rock ledge and bagan sobbing in between deep breaths. Then she turned back and looked up at the ledge she had just stood atop, which now looked smaller and not nearly as intimidating and shot a middle finger at it.
She did good. No, she did so much better than good. She handled that shit. She overcame. On Monday she filed a Protection From Abuse order against that piece of crap, initiating a papertrail of abusive behavior.
I like to think that at the moment of impact when all the fear, worry, anxiety and timidity was violently intermingled with the explosion of water and ripped out of her negative self image, she was cleansed. Like, truly cleansed from the toxicity and impurities that man threw all over her. From the voices stuck on repeat in her head that held her back. I like to think she baptised herself that day through no other will but her own.
Be strong always, readers and fellow bloggers. Never accept abuse, in any form, as normalcy. Fear is a tactic used by weak minded people that are too stupid to realize that all the hurtful words they throw at you are really what they despise about themselves and don't have the introspective ability to see it.