Love they say is all that matters…I do not dispute that. But to me, it is just an opinion and not a fact.
Being in a relationship is an act and an art. It is an act of love. It is intentional, conscious, decisive, and comes with responsibilities. The act of keeping a relationship makes it even more of an art.
If relationship is an art, it means that it requires some form of skills, knowledge, and some exposition.
Once I was giving a seminar on Eros: Love and Relationship, and I asked “Who is meant to be in a relationship?” And of course a lot of answers, just like the “Brainstorming” during a Human Centered Design (HCD) process, no answer was considered irrelevant to the question.
But who actually deserves to be in a relationship?
Who is relationship-worthy?
Who is relationship meant for?
Surprisingly, you will get to see in the answer the reason for a lot of failed relationships, but not all, anyway.
One thing is very important and necessary before getting into a relationship and that is self-knowledge
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In my book titled “The Voyage of Self-Discovery…” I wrote: “…Before self can be whatever it wants to be, it has to be known and aware of self…” It is only when I know myself, that I can say “I” want to “be”. A knowledge of “I” gives leverage to making the right choice in everything.
How do I come to know of the right guy or lady for me, when I do not know myself? The knowledge of self is as important as knowing my source and understanding my source. In my word as a Christian, after the knowledge of God (source), is the knowledge of self (“I”).
The first thing is self-knowledge. And so, it is only a person with self-knowledge who is worthy of relationship. Relationship is not a school for self-knowledge.
Another mistake that a lot make is to see relationship as a place where I go to feel complete. In other words, looking for one who completes me. Instead of completeness, look to complement.
Relationship is meant for persons who are satisfied and at peace with themselves and who they are: the deformities there are, their race, colour, gender and all that comes with it, what they like, their choices, etc. Rather than be a ground for completeness, it becomes a place where we complement each other.
Relationship is a platform for mutual growth and self-development. Here lies the responsibility.
After the knowledge of self and the mindset to complement comes the 2H.
The 2H is simply the application of both the Head and the Heart in relationship towards finding a partner and all forms of relationship.
2H simply stands for the initials of Head and Heart. The heart stands for reasoning and rationality, while the heart stands for everything emotional in a relationship including erotic feelings.
What do they (2H) do? And How do they operate? It is just as simple as the balance on a scale. It is all about equilibrium: more of any could throw you off balance and ruin that sweet relationship of yours.
Take for example, your guy or your lady shouts at you in public…that’s a sign of disrespect and then you overlook it. Hmmm! That could be a pointer. And then as the guy or the lady you did not deem it fit to realise how bad that act was, so you could apologise, that’s also a pointer.
Rationally and emotionally there are lot attached to the scenario above. The one who was shouted at should be able to rationalise such an act and not overlook it. The one who did the shouting should also be emotional enough to draw his/her partner close, pet, and apologise to his/her partner.
You do not overlook the act because you love him/her and you do not overlook the act because you know he/she loves you.
Lastly, emotional application towards relationship is a rational act and a rational application towards a relationship can be emotional. The 2H complements each other just like you should complement each other in a relationship.