Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay
“What I want to know is what happens to these people after they call your dad, my grandfather, and my big Lee cousin, because doing life with a flattened ego has got to be really hard for people who have never gone through that before.”
Eleven-year-old Eleanor Ludlow was talking with best friend eleven-year-old Velma Trent.
“You've thought about that part more than I have,” Velma said. “I'm trying to figure out how – well, my dad is pretty mellow until he's not, and actually Col. Lee is pretty mellow until he's not, but why people keep calling to act a fool with Capt. R.E. Ludlow Sr., your grandfather, I don't know. I mean, there are basses, and then there are basso profundos, and then there is him. That voice is a whole human swatter when he is not happy, and unless you have a voice like that, he is going to swat you with it like you are a mosquito.”
“There's no voice rhyme or reason to it though, because Cousin Harry is a tenor, and Sgt. Trent is a baritone,” Eleanor said. “Sure would be nice if we could get some trio singing from them when your dad and my grandpa get back.”
“Wouldn't it – both will be back soon, so you just need to hang on to your Cousin Harry for a minute,” Velma said, “and then we need to pray nobody calls.”
“People don't seem to bother your Stepforth grandparents, though,” Eleanor said.
“Well, first of all, Pop-Pop is a billionaire, so people think that when a man can end your whole life with just his pocket change, do you really want to bother him?” Velma said.
“Good thought,” Eleanor said.
“And then, Grandma is the one person who doesn't take Pop-Pop's calls when he messes up, so then, since he's a billionaire, and it took ten years for him to get her back, everybody kind of thinks, 'If she can do that, what can she do to me?'”
“Another good thought,” Eleanor said. “My brother George said that your Grandma Velma is really sweet, but she definitely has all the 'Mama don't take no mess' attributes enabled.”
“Absolutely, Eleanor. What we all have learned from Grandma is, human beings are not on sale, so money doesn't matter if you are wrong. If you mess up with her, you're dealing with the consequences, and that ain't what anybody wants.”
“My grandfather and your grandmother are alike,” Eleanor said. “Robert Edward Ludlow Sr. does not care who you think you are; if you come incorrect with him, you're going to pay for that in ways you're not going to like – but that gets me back to why people keep coming to get their egos flattened, and what do you even do after that?”
“My thing is, if you live right,” Velma said, “and stay humble, and don't start pretending that you are running everything and everyone, maybe you won't ever have to find out.”
“Yeah, I think I'm just going with that,” Eleanor said. “Wanna hula hoop?”
“Yes!”