Sgt. George Gillum and Colonel H.F. Lee had never served together, but they knew each other from the Veteran's Lodge, where Colonel Lee regularly volunteered with fellow veterans, especially those with severe PTSD. He was exceptionally high-functioning, which made him a surprise to fellow sufferers when they found out he was as bad off as they were, and even more of a surprise as he transparently shared the progress he was making toward getting better.
Colonel Lee knew many of these men's families, and, quietly, had become the “go-getter” when things got out of hand for many (while his cousin, Major Ironwood Hamilton, served that function for him). Mothers, sisters, and wives knew that while their wounded warriors would often pull away from them, they worshiped Colonel Lee, and so instead of fighting and fussing, the women just called for help and let the colonel do his magic.
Of course, there was no magic. The colonel just understood and would do anything in his power to help, including walking through Big Loft's parks at night until they sobered up enough to talk for real, and his fellow sufferers knew that.
“It's easy to strip naked physically with a woman, you know,” Sgt. George Gillum said, “but I'm just terrified she's not going to be able to handle me stripping naked emotionally. She's just all excited about a man in a uniform, oh boy, and how, but she just doesn't have the depth to deal with the real me, and so, I'm just hurting because I've got to let her down easy somehow and I don't know how without hurting her.”
“I go through this with my fiancee, a little bit,” Colonel Lee said, “but I selected for depth, Sergeant. It is not easy to find, and desire will have you looking everywhere else, but it is essential.”
“I know … she's got the body I want, and a pretty face … and I've enjoyed it all … but I just know we can't get any further … and that's not the worst part.”
“I'm listening, Sergeant.”
“She just told me she's pregnant.”
“Congratulations, Sergeant, although in the worst possible time and way.”
“That's what had me going back to drink, Colonel. I can't handle all of this.”
“Does she want marriage?”
“Of course.”
“Is she willing to go to counseling with you?”
“You know, I haven't asked.”
“Two things to do. The first is to repent to God for disobediently doing things backwards while knowing better.”
“Yes, sir, I realize I need to do that.”
“The second is to set up appointments for marriage counseling and the therapy you need to handle the PTSD parts. Let her know that coming with you and learning what she would need to know to be a good wife to you are requirements. If she loves you, she will do this, and she will engage fully in it. Only after several months of that can you say one way or another if she can or she can't – and she has a lot of the same questions about you, if you can or cannot be a good husband and father. Do the work, and start finding out.”
“Yes, sir.”
“When did she tell you she was pregnant?”
“Today.”
“Who did you tell?”
“My mother, and now you.”
“Stop it there, Sergeant. Tell her to not spread it around. Discretion is key. You have about three or four months before it is obvious, and in that time, you two need to not have everyone else's opinion about this and that. Get your work done, at the end of which time you can discover whether you are going forward together as husband and wife or co-parents. If she has no discretion, there is another answer for you – HOWEVER, women spread news when they are desperate for reassurance and support, so you must affirm her as the mother of your child, and that you are going to be there for whatever it takes.
“One more thing, Sergeant. I would have told you to marry the woman outright since you have done everything that goes with that already, but my JAG training is telling me: something is wrong. How long have you been home?”
“A week.”
“How long have you known her?”
“Two years.”
“How long have you been away?”
“Nine months.”
“And when you were at home last, how were the two of you?”
“Oh, doing what we've been doing, sorry to say – I was injured, and so I was home a good three months last time.”
“And when are you due to be deployed again?”
“Four weeks or so.”
“Why now, Sergeant? Obviously the Lord can permit conception when He chooses, but this woman had three full monthly cycles last year and nothing happened in all that time. Obviously, she is fertile. If she was taking birth control then, why not now? You have been home only a week – and in a week, two years into a relationship, something has occurred to secure your financial investment for 18 years that did not occur in three months in the first year of your relationship.”
“Gee, Colonel, I didn't think about any of that.”
“Every man has two heads,” Colonel Lee said gently. “The easiest thing to do, especially after a long and terrible deployment, is to think with the little one upon coming home, but, only the big one does good math. Start thinking with the big head. Don't accuse her of anything. There could be an innocent explanation for all of it, but start observing her behavior carefully. Tell her the truth about why you're on the phone with her: you're overwhelmed, you've got to have time to clear things up in your head because of what's going on with your PTSD, and then tell her you are going to send her some money to take care of her needs right now while you get into your work on yourself.”
“But wait a minute – you're right and we don't know if she's pregnant or if it's mine or if she's just having it to tie me down!”
“You tied yourself down by having sex with a fertile woman you weren't committed to,” Colonel Lee said. “You enjoyed doing that, but now here come the consequences.
“Tactically speaking, we have to now EITHER get you to where you can feel comfortable being committed to your new family OR get you out of a trap. Tactically speaking, what you cannot afford in either case is having this woman believing and spreading the news and the narrative that you are a no-good man over a small piece of money that you will be glad to spend if this is your child, and will count as small potatoes on the course of escaping if it is not.”
“Yes, sir, I see what you mean now.”
“The idea, Sergeant: make peace on that front while you figure out what is going on with yourself and observe what is going on with her. Listen to how she responds to you. She is not necessarily a bad woman. We started out on the premise that she needed to get a better understanding of you. The reverse is also true.”
“I see that now, sir.”
“Above all, once you have repented, stay in prayer and stay calm – let the Spirit of God control your actions and give you insight. Keep a little distance: don't be alone with her after this since temptation is all the greater when you know what you are missing. Explain to her the change in your behavior. Stay calm. Listen. Pray about what you hear. Do the work on yourself, and invite her to join you if she is responsive.”
“Okay, Colonel, okay. I feel a lot better now about my situation. Permission to ask a personal question.”
“Granted.”
“How have you stayed out of these messes?”
Colonel Lee smiled, and sighed.
“I know myself, Sergeant. Even before the military, I've known that I can't play with things other men play around with. Love is one of those things. Sex is another. I could never have either without full commitment to and with a woman because they are too intense for me to engage in casually. My late wife and I were high school sweethearts. We were married a year. It took me 27 years to get over losing what we had in just a year. I didn't get to ask her if she felt the same, but I know what it was for me. Playing with fire is dangerous. Playing with nuclear weapons is more dangerous.”
“Wow, Colonel. I guess that is a different kind of experience.”
“It has its drawbacks – I'm a relatively young man to be a 27-year widower, and of course I've been called gay up, down, and all around. But the advantages are obvious too.”
“Yeah, the advantages are looking pretty good right now.”
“Don't lose hope, Sergeant. You've dealt yourself a difficult hand, but you can play it well, and at best, you will have the love and family that will move you beyond thinking of playing with fire any more. At worst, same result: you are about to go through a situation that will teach you that fire, love, and sex are not toys to be played with.”
The following evening, Colonel Lee volunteered at the Veteran's Lodge, and was not surprised when Sgt. Gillum slid up beside him on as he had the day before on the bar stool over at R&R Bar and Grill. Sgt. Gillum was sober, and appeared to have aged a few years.
“Colonel Lee,” he said, “Colonel Lee … .”
The younger man was trying not to cry.
“Let's take a walk, soldier,” the colonel gently suggested.
Out in Fruitland Memorial Park, adjacent to the Veteran's Lodge, Sgt. Gillum lost his composure as the two men walked.
“So I did what you said, Colonel Lee, and I called, and her mother picked up the phone. I told her what I was calling about, and Mrs. Bell gave a big sigh and spilled the beans. Jezzie's been playing around with plenty of men since I've been away, but she's not pregnant. Her plan has been to tell three or four of the ones she likes that she is, get a commitment, and then go off birth control to lock it down by getting pregnant then. She's not stupid. Just evil. Her mother said I was the only one honorable enough and smart enough to call, talk honestly, and start making appropriate plans, and that she just couldn't let her daughter, who is up in someone's bed right now, do it to me. I just blocked and deleted the number after that call, and deleted my social media. She doesn't know where I live.”
“A wise and intelligent move, young man.”
“But I wasn't going with anyone else, Colonel! I was trying to give us a chance, and she was playing me the whole time!”
“No, Sergeant. You played yourself by entering a game you had no business in. You wanted to enjoy her body without any commitment of your spirit and without knowing about her spirit, and you defied direct orders of our Commander and Protector in doing so. You played yourself.
“The next thing: you need a blood test and a total checkup. A woman like that is a sink for STDs, and you need to know if you have picked up anything. If you have been home a week and could have gotten her pregnant, then you could be sick and not know it yet. The clinic at the Veteran's Lodge is open until 7:30 – get on top of things, Sergeant.”
Colonel Lee stayed later than he intended, unwilling to leave the younger serviceman without critical support at such a time.
Sgt. Gillum returned looking relieved, but older still.
“I'm clear, sir – no infections.”
“You have had a very narrow escape, soldier.”
“I realize that, Colonel.”
“Have you learned, Sergeant?”
“Oh, yes, sir, I have learned everything I needed to know to not be doing this again – I need to work on myself, get my life together, and seek a wife, and keep my pants zipped until then. I can't go through this again, sir. Just learning what I could have gotten besides a baby – and some of this stuff is antibiotic-resistant now!”
He choked up.
“But that's not it … my heart is broken! I really wanted that child! I was so scared but so happy about that part, at first … I've always wanted to be a father! None of it was real! I put my own self out there to be hurt, after all the hurt I've gotten just serving our country! I can't go through this again!”
“So, don't. You get up every day and you tell our Commander that – that you need His power to do things HIS WAY, and then ask Him to fill you with His Spirit and face the day head determined to do things HIS WAY. Get your counseling and therapy schedule together and work on you. Get as healed as you can in these four weeks. Use everything the Veteran's Lodge and VA offer for men like you. Leave the ladies alone while you get your life together.”
“Yes, sir.”
Sgt. Gillum paused.
“Permission to do what a son would do to his father if he had a father like you at a time like this.”
“Granted, Sergeant.”
Sgt. Gillum wrapped his arms around the senior officer.
“Thank you for everything, Colonel Lee!”
“My pleasure, my duty, and my honor, young man.”
Image by David Mark from Pixabay