If you believe in love, you probably believe in “The one”. That special human being made from your rib specifically for you and you alone. The Ying to your yang that completes you. What happens when you meet the one and it doesn’t quite work out?
I met her through my brother Jeffery, I call him my brother because we grew past being just friends during our university days, we went through everything together, the good the bad and the ugly.
He told me of this thick, beautiful, intelligent female he went to high school with and promised that I would fall in love the moment I looked at her, he couldn’t have been more wrong.
Her name was Mo, she was absolutely beautiful, she wore her hair in this captivating Afro hair do that I didn’t know I loved until I’d lost the right to run my hands through it. She had “kiss me lips”and deep eyes that held me spellbound eventually but not the moment I met her.
Looking back now, I wouldn’t have admitted it even if I had fallen in love with Mo at first sight just to prevent Jeff from enjoying the satisfaction of being right. I did fall in love with her but I cannot specifically point to the moment it happened, I didn’t even realize how much I’d fallen in love with her until I lost her.
Our relationship started out like Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in the movie Friends with benefits, We had grown attracted to each other but she made it absolutely clear that she wanted sex with no strings attached and she got bored easily so our arrangement might not last very long, I wanted the exact same thing and with her disclaimer about the lifespan of our relationship I was determined to make every second count.
I fell in love with her body first, our chemistry was electric and we began to spend more time together than we originally planned to, overtime I got to explore her mind as well and I realized that I not only respected her intellect but I craved her company and not just for coital purposes. I couldn’t share this discovery with her because she made it clear that she wanted no strings attached and unfortunately I had become entangled in the strings.
Imagine my surprise when she texts me “where are we going with this relationship?”, I was certain that she had gotten bored of me and was looking for an excuse to back out of this arrangement which had become an important part of my life at the time, several responses came to mind. “We are Africans, we are pencils in the hands of the almighty father” any thing but the truth because I didn’t want to scare her off.
It all went downhill from there really, we fought more often and spent less time together. We went through certain things I haven’t gotten enough closure on to share and eventually we broke up without ever officially dating.
I never got to call her mine, baby, my everything or any of the words that come to mind when I think of her at that time.
She moved on and I did too eventually, but it never felt like her. The kisses didn’t feel like hers, The conversations didn’t feel like hers and I have to admit that my constant comparison of that relationship to what I had with Mo led to its eventual collapse.
I wrote songs about her, I’m writing this piece about her, when I think of a time I was truly happy even though I had a million problems I think of the both of us in that apartment, barely clothed with Mo rambling on about Shaka Zulu or whoever she was studying at her history classes. I think of waking up to her goofy smile and morning breath and still thinking “God she’s perfect”. I think of her terrible attempts at word play and comedy and hear her laugh in my head and I wonder if I met the one already and lost her.
Admittedly there was a lot of reasons why we didn’t work out, some unpleasant memories too. But the fact that i didn’t get an actual chance to share literally everything with her haunts me to this day.
I might have met the one and chose a few memories and some coitus over a lifetime of happiness with her.
Is there someone out there who will feel exactly the way she did or better? Do I have another one?
I saw her with someone else, she looked happy and a part of me felt so happy that she was even though I was not the source of that happiness.
If you don’t take anything away from this story please take the following advice:
. Friends with benefits never works, Someone always catches feelings for the other person because sex is more than just sex.
. Be honest about what you want from people but give yourself a chance to experience more than you think is possible from your interaction with them.
. When you find the one, don’t settle for some pleasant memories and some good sex. Hold on to that Afro goddess and never let go.
I hope we all find love and happiness, I hope we all find the one, Even her.