After five years of a romantic relationship with my husband Suman, we got married. Now, we have been married for six years and have a two-and-a-half-year-old son. Before our marriage, during our relationship, he cheated on me twice. After he apologized, I forgave him.
I don’t have a mother, only a father and two younger brothers. Suman used to say he loved me deeply, so I couldn’t think of anything beyond him. Whenever he did something wrong and apologized, I would forget everything. Without my family’s involvement, he insisted on marrying me. His elder sister assured me that she would always stand by my side.
Even after marriage, my husband got involved in an affair again. When I caught him once, I informed his sister. She scolded him lightly. Suman begged for forgiveness at my feet and promised he wouldn’t do it again. I accepted, but just fifteen days later, he was caught talking to the same woman again. At that point, I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. I took his two sisters to the Kazi office and signed the divorce papers. Suman didn’t want the divorce, but his sister convinced him to sign.
Two or three days later, he started begging at my hands and feet again. I changed my residence and job. I had a good relationship with his younger sister. We used to talk occasionally. Through her hints, he found my new residence. On the street, he fell at my feet, crying, and even attempted suicide, which put me in a very difficult situation. I asked my father what to do, but he wasn’t very interested in my personal matters. That’s what happens when you don’t have a mother. Besides, our relatives didn’t even know about our marriage at that time. Since Suman kept behaving this way every few days, my father didn’t tell anyone either.
Seeing his desperation, I felt pity. Trusting in Allah, I gave him another chance. After that, we had a child. We were happy for two years, very happy, but he got involved with that same woman again. She worked in his office. Everyone knew he had a wife and child. The last time, I had slapped that woman. How could she, being a woman herself, knowingly do this.
My relationship with my husband was getting worse day by day. He stopped spending time at home. Even when I asked him to take me out, he wouldn’t. Sometimes, he spent the whole night hanging out at a friend’s house or spending more time with friends outside. Taking care of the child alone all day, I was mentally exhausted. Because he didn’t give me time, we had arguments and shouting matches. Otherwise, he would hand over his entire salary to me. I managed all household expenses and responsibilities alone, but he didn’t understand my struggles.
The distance between us kept growing. I would get angry and ask why he didn’t love me, why he didn’t give me time. I waited all day for him to come home, but he returned late after work. He said he was with a friend, but I suspected it was about that woman. Slowly, my suspicions started coming true. He changed his phone password and wouldn’t let me touch his phone. One night, I saw a locked message on his WhatsApp. I couldn’t see who it was from, but seeing the chat locked, I understood it must be from that woman.
This led to a lot of arguments. His sister came to our house and caused a lot of trouble, even threatening to hit me because I had mentioned the possibility of a lawsuit. I said, I have a son, you’ve been playing with my life for so long. I won’t give you any more chances. Because of this, they behaved very badly with me and my father.
Even after this, we stayed together for a long time. I only thought about the child. I saw the man I knew becoming a stranger day by day. After that, fights and unrest were constant. I would just cry, beg at his feet, don’t leave us. The child will grow up without a father. But frustrated with his behavior, I would also shout and scream, losing control of my mind.
One day, I was very ill, having a panic attack. Suman sent his younger sister to take the child to their house. She came and said, you’re so ill, yet he didn’t come; he went out with that woman. After calling until eleven at night, he finally answered and said he’d stay at his sister’s house that night. Crying, I said, you traitor, I can’t breathe from chest pain, take me to the hospital.
Suman came and took me to the hospital. After that, I realized he no longer loved me. I was so ill, and he didn’t even come to check on me once. The next day, I told him, go to your sister’s house, I’m setting you free. Later, my brother told me, I didn’t say anything all this time for your sake. I saw your husband with that woman, getting on a rickshaw in front of me. My brother worked at the same office.
Hearing this, I lost control. I went to his office and informed them about their affair. This angered his sisters, who came to the office to attack me. Because of their trouble and my husband’s affair, the company fired him. After that, he didn’t come home for many days. He stayed at his sister’s house. When he came home, I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to separate him from the child. I prayed day and night for him to get a job. Losing his job, Suman was completely upset. I prayed for his well-being in every prayer.
In the meantime, we had another fight. In front of my brother, Suman tortured me inhumanely, beating me severely. He went to attack my brother, grabbing his throat. To save my brother, I hit Suman and decided I couldn’t stay with him anymore. He doesn’t love me. No one who loves someone can be this cruel.
I told him to leave the house, but he wouldn’t. So I went to the police station and brought the police. They asked what I wanted. I said, I’ll send him a divorce letter. His younger sister is coming, let him leave with her. I won’t stay with him anymore. Later, Suman left. Everyone told me to file a case. I went for a medical checkup; there were enough marks of injury for a case, but I didn’t file one. This happened during the month of Ramadan.
Ten days later, Suman contacted me again. He came to take the child, saying he’d buy things for him. He forced his way into the house, begged at my hands and feet, and wanted to start over for the sake of the child. At first, I didn’t agree. For two or three days, he stood outside my house. The landlord came and convinced me. Later, I let him stay. I asked if his sister knew he was coming here. He said she did, but I later found out he came without telling her. His sister said if he lived with me again, she’d cut ties with him. He was torn about what to do. Sometimes he stayed at our house. How strange. His wife and child are here, and he stays at his sister’s house.
I apologized to him for all my past behavior. I had treated him badly. When I got angry, I couldn’t think straight. Suman got a job in Chattogram. I didn’t want him to go. He said he couldn’t find a job in Dhaka, sitting at home for three months. He had one lakh taka saved with me, which was covering household expenses. So I let him go. But after going to Chattogram, he wasn’t the same. I forgot what a husband-wife relationship felt like. Except for talking about the child, Suman wouldn’t say a word. He didn’t ask how I was doing.
Day by day, my anger and resentment grew. I joined a job. My brother took care of the child. After going to Chattogram, Suman came home twice and was normal with me. After that, he wasn’t normal anymore. He wouldn’t even sleep beside me. He only came for the child. I asked him many times, everything was fine, no issues arose. Then why don’t you talk to me now. He said, there’s a lot of pressure at the office, so I don’t talk. But I understood he had no attachment to me. Slowly, I also reduced talking to him. This increased the distance between us. Sometimes we talked via messages, but most of the time, it led to fights. Talking about his sisters always caused trouble.
Now Suman doesn’t talk to me at all. Even when he comes to Dhaka, he doesn’t come home. We don’t meet. When I’m at the office, he comes to see the child and leaves. He stays at his sister’s house. I’ve asked him several times to come home, but he won’t. He says it’s not possible to live with me. I insulted his family. He says it’s not possible to continue our marriage. So I said, fine, send the divorce papers then. He said, I don’t have that much time. If you have time, send them.
I know he no longer loves me, but I can’t accept that he doesn’t love me. What will happen to the child. He’ll grow up in a broken family. I feel very guilty. I feel I’m the bad one. My bad behavior pushed Suman away. My child is in this situation because of me. I loved him intensely. I don’t know if I still love him, but when I get a call or message from him, my heartbeat races. He only messages for the child’s needs. I’m going through immense mental anguish. I don’t know what to do. I understand I’m no longer in his heart. Someone else is there, but I can’t face relatives if we separate.
I got married alone, and now my husband has left me with the child. It’s very shameful. My husband is cheating, is this shame mine. I have a good job. I’m about to complete my BBA, but as a person, I’m a failure. Perhaps I couldn’t be the wife he wanted. What decision should I take now. My father and relatives see this situation, but no one says anything. That’s why I want others’ opinions. Please pray for my child.
Sent by
A sister who wishes to remain anonymous