This is @mariannewest’s prompt
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Fungus

"Gus Fuhn is not a Fun Guy!" was the standard joke.

Gus knew it because it had been the same tired joke he had been subjected to since he was in first grade.

"Fun Gus! Fun Gus!" the kids used to chant, dancing around him in the playground.

"My name is Gus Fuhn," he used to say. "Not Fun Gus!"

But that response only gave birth to laughter and louder shouts of "Fun Gus!"

When he burst into tears, which happened a lot in the first few years of school, the other kids would stop for a moment. Sometimes one of them would tell the others to stop.

"Leave him alone!" Gus would hear one of the girls say.

Then someone would shout, "Gus Fuhn isn't a Fun Guy!" and everyone would burst into laughter.

And the louder the laughs the more Gus would cry.

As a kid he dreamed of being able to change his name. But his dad told him to "man the fuck up" and Gus found that in the end that was good advice.

He manned the fuck up.

He became harder. He stopped caring about what the others thought about him. He stopped caring about pretty much anyone else. He worked hard determined to do as his dad said, “Man the fuck up and show them who is boss.”

The small gathering around the water cooler fell silent as he walked past. He ignored them. They might have been talking about him, they might not have been.

He didn’t care.

They were scared of him. That was all that mattered. He showed them who was boss. He was their boss and he made damn sure they knew it.

He liked to fuck with them. Keep them on their toes. Sometimes he would fire one of them just to keep the others in line.

As he reached his office door he called over his shoulder, “Ike!” and then slammed the door behind him.

He had enough time to sit behind his desk and put his feet up on the desk before he heard the timid rap-rap-rap of Ike’s knuckle against the oak door.

“Enter.”

Ike opened the door only just enough that he could slip through the gap like a mouse.

“You wanted to see me, Mr Fuhn?” Ike squeaked.

Gus smiled. Not externally of course. His face was like stone. He didn’t want to give anything away. But internally Gus was laughing. Just like Ike used to do as he danced around Gus pointing at him shouting “Fun Guy! Fun Guy!”

Gus could have fired Ike years ago. But he liked keeping him here. He liked to remind Ike that Gus was his boss.

“Your figures are shit,” Gus said, pointing at the file on his desk. “You need to buck your ideas up Ike, or I’ll have to let you go.”

“But-” Ike began.

“No buts, Ike. Do better. Or I’ll find someone else who will. I’m not paying you your bonus this month.”

“But-” Ike said again his face going red. Gus could see a vein in Ike’s forehead pumping. Perhaps he’d have a heart attack, Gus thought. That would be inconvenient. It would mean filling out paperwork, and answering more questions from head office. Besides, itt was Friday. Gus wanted to leave early.

“Get out, Ike,” he said.

Gus waited for Ike to leave but Ike just stood there, his face getting redder and his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Are you deaf as well as useless?” Gus said.

And then he found himself looking down the barrel of a gun.

“Don’t be a fool, Ike,” Gus said. He wasn’t worried. Ike was a wimp. He wouldn’t shoot Gus. He didn’t have the balls. But unless he backed down quickly Gus would be forced to fire him. And then he would lose his power over his chief tormentor from first grade.

“You are not a very nice person,” Ike said. “Not a fun guy. Not at all.” And then Ike pulled the trigger and Gus’s head exploded.

alt
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