In today's scene, the main character is in a good mood from reading and nice weather and wants to socialize. But when he passes someone and tries to get them into a conversation, the person has no interest.
On page 170 of Swann's Way:
...that I learned that identical emotions do not spring up simultaneously in the hearts of all men in accordance with a pre-established order.
It's amazing that this little sentence popped out at me today. It's again one of those things Proust does so well. The sentiment is very obvious when you think about it, but often we don't think about it.
Maybe we should call this "post-obvious," as in it becomes obvious upon reflection.
Of course not all people are going to be in the same frame of mind at all times!
But how often do we heed this? In fact, I dare say that most conflicts and arguments and annoyances that happen in our day-to-day personal lives comes from not realizing this simple fact.
You're feeling down for one reason or another and your significant other comes in cheery wanting to do something. You snap back, annoyed that they aren't in the same headspace as you.
A nearby person is tapping their pencil as they think about something completely unaware that they are annoying you as you try to concentrate.
We let our emotions bubble up and sometimes overflow into anger when this happens.
But this is totally uncalled for. If we just put ourselves in their head, we would see that from their point of view, they haven't done anything wrong. Both sides are assuming they are in the same frame of mind when they aren't, and this causes the conflict.
We can easily remedy these little fights or suppressed annoyances by taking a moment to put ourselves in their head. Or even just saying to ourselves that they have a right to be in whatever mood they are in and it isn't the same as our own mood.
Then, when we've cooled down, we can politely bring up the annoyance and ask for a change. In this way, they are far more likely to realize you also were in a different headspace, and they probably didn't realize that what they had done was causing you suffering.
It all comes down to not assuming. We too frequently assume everyone is in the same place as us, when they obviously aren't.
And that's it for today! It's a call to be more empathetic.
Proust has brilliantly pointed out this simple fact, and by heeding the warning, we are sure to make all our lives more pleasant.