“The most dangerous food is wedding cake.”
James Thurber
The Mammoth in the Garden
James’ wife had an uncanny ability to dream things that somehow became true or revealed some hidden truth. He learned that after years of being awaken by her punches every time she dreamed that he was cheating.
Thus, when she told him one morning that she had dreamed of a woolly mammoth in the garden, James started to think about the possible realistic implications or meanings of such a dream.
First, James thought that the dream meant that he’d die first and his wife would age alone knitting by the garden. Then, he thought that maybe she was weaving a mammoth-size gossip about any of her friends. Finally, he thought that maybe the dream could be read literally. How about if there was a mammoth under their garden?
James started to research about the possibilities that mammoth fossils could be found in that part of the country. He also researched the possible prices a fossil like that would go for in the archaeological market. He got so obsessed with the idea that he stopped working or helping with house chores. Never mind the odds of finding a mammoth fossil were remote. For James, that would only make it more expensive. All James wanted to do was to learn the fundamentals of fossil tracking and excavations. In the meantime, his wife grew restless and hostile. “Mammoths do not exist; they probably never existed in the first place,” she yelled at James, frustrated. James ignored her screams and threats and started to plan the excavation of his precious fossil.
James’ wife called the police, but they told her that no crime had been committed yet and that her complaint was probably in the territory of the mental health department. When James decided to start excavating his garden, for which he had to remove his wife’s roses, then she made the call.
When James learned that a mental health unit was heading to his home to stop him from destroying his marriage, he planted the roses back again. When the ambulance arrived they found no evidence of mental instability, at least not in the husband.
“I’m telling you, he had destroyed my roses,” the wife screamed desperately.
“I don’t know what she’s talking about,” James stated calmly. “Sometimes she says she has ‘visions’ and she usually acts moved by those visions, he said as if that would get her off the hook.
“Is it true you’re trying to unearth a mammoth you buried in your garden?” a nurse asked.
“A mammoth? What a ridiculous notion! Mammoth do not exist; they probably never did, right?” James asked jokingly.
That infuriated the wife who grabbed a garden rake and intended to use it on James. She was restrained by the medical personnel and taken to their facility for further examination.
James made sure nobody learned about his actually finding a mammoth fossil in his garden. He sold it in the black market by twice the price and was glad he could continue paying the bills from the psychiatric hospital.
THE END
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