Today, I feel incapable of doing anything.
Well, that's not entirely true.
I feel sad.
And the idea of doing the one thing that I really think I should do. That I want to do. Feels big. Feels too big and too hard for my sad brain to do. I can do it, though. I just need to start. And I will start. Right after I procrastinate some more.
My mind casts about for things to feel sad about.
Do you know what it is? I spent yesterday working hard. It taxed my brain. It was hard emotional work. Worth it, but exhausting. I was teaching all day. And then, in some part due to my mental tiredness, I forgot my Physical Therapy appointment. And that made me feel bad about myself. And then I felt like I didn't know how to best parent my kid when Stina and I were disagreeing in the moment about how best to do it.
Anyways, so I felt sad/bad through the evening. Then this morning I was/am still feeling that, though more residually, and so my mind casts about and finds the fact that my father is dead to be something to obsess over. And it's strong. And it is pull-me-into spirals kind of stuff. But this is good. this helps, and it reminds me that I want to mention to Stina that the therapist, probably because he doesn't know how to talk to kids, was "dumbing down" his language, and wound up saying "bad feelings" even though I'm sure he knows no feelings are bad. And when I asked him, he didn't seem to realize he'd done it.