When I dedicate myself to tell you these life stories about real or fictional characters, it is so that we learn to identify violence; I lack time, I lack space and I lack letters, but there is a lot to be cut out of violence.

Elinda just needed to shout out what she felt.... She could not tolerate so much cruelty.

At that moment when she took the selfi, she was right in a consultation with her therapist, trying to heal the pain caused by the absence of the father of her child in the abandonment of her role; in her eagerness to remedy it in any way at the cost of everything, even in her health.

And what did she end up with? In cancer, a disease of which there is still much to learn, perhaps the product of bitterness, anger and resentment, emotions that were never good counselors with Elinda.

She looked apparently healthy, physically; obviously very busy with so much work and responsibilities. Perhaps downplaying the importance of her emotions and even what her body so often wanted to tell her.

She had been attending therapy for months with Cristina (therapist) who recommended her to take breaks between so many occupations, to dedicate valuable time to herself and improve her physical, emotional and mental health.

Domestic violence marked Elinda's life

I remember that as a child, there were many times when I woke up terrified by the screams and insults between my father and my mother," Elinda told her therapist. That was always, at least since I could remember.

She became so afraid of what her father would do to her mother that she would cry for long hours, without knowing clearly why; many times she would make her mother, already burdened by a life of abuse, lose her patience. She remembers this happening frequently for several years.

In therapy she expressed that she did not know how she could overcome it by herself; maybe survival of the fittest, maybe... Without the help of a therapist... She would cry with her hands on her head!!!!

It was so much the panic to the darkness that Elinda felt, product of the violence that her parents chose to keep in her room, a light on; by ingenuity of her father decided to opt for colored bulbs, not only was more beautiful; but also, its reflection was dimmer, which made it less disturbing at the time of rest.

As he grew up, the tone of his parents' existential conflicts changed, but the common denominator was always violence in any form of presentation. Added to that were her father's serious mental health issues.

Elinda told her therapist that her father carried many emotional voids throughout his life; orphaned since pre-school age, this caused him to change homes frequently, making him even more insecure and with very low self-esteem. He was very intelligent, I believe brilliant and managed to become a professional, even in adverse circumstances.

I thought Cristina (therapist) that everything I saw at home was normal, a submissive mother that to some extent marked my behavior; however, I managed to opt for other female figures to build my model in other aspects (I swear I had no idea; or at least I had not done it consciously).

For this reason, I believed that "putting up with" as much abuse as possible was "normal" and I was convinced that love was suffering, possession and sacrifice. According to Elinda, her mother told her that, and so began her odyssey, which allowed her to find herself again.

The beginning of the rebirth.

I am sure that from this self-reflection began the awakening of Elinda's consciousness. Many special people participated in this (I call them masters or angels). This is what we do in the support group against violence where I volunteer.

Elinda at that moment felt so naive, helpless, unprotected that maybe (she needed her father), the paternal image, it was as if her eyes were completely covered by a black cloth... where she could not see anything clearly.

As she was living, she was receiving hard lessons of violence; with each person she connected with, especially in the couple environment, the leading role was always the same; similar to that of the soap opera actresses she watched as a child, in the only local channel that was seen in her town.

Tears, suffering, pain, jealousy, infidelities (the main leading role was played by herself) in her dysfunctional mind due to so much violence. For her everything seemed normal, without clarity in love.

There is a lot of material to cut.

Thus I kept repeating patterns of behavior that hurt her more and more. When the father of her son arrived, Elinda was finally able to react, although it was a long 10 strong years for her, a decisive time to get out all the garbage she had inside.

She completely annulled herself as a woman, even as a professional and became his servant... and if you find it even more erotic, she became his submissive in all aspects; in other words, she was less than a nuisance.

From these events that at some point came to torment her, the idea of seeking therapy for psychological support arose.

Happiness is not by anyone's side, nor outside of us.

It only took one consultation with Cristina (therapist) to move definitively emotionally and to know that that was not the way to go; that life was more than that, that living was to fully enjoy every event that occurred and that it was up to her to break the chains that tied her to violence and did not allow her to move forward...

Many times this type of life testimony is overwhelming, a reference that I write in this post; but there are many and it is important to pay attention to them.

And do you know the reason?

We do not have to do things different from what we like, nor can we spend our lives "acting" always, as if they were watching us; mental health is not seen in the pictures. We can all have our obscurities, we just have to learn to manage them and if we can't, look for someone to help us (go to therapy, for example)...Just as Elinda did.

Cuando me dedico a contarles estas historias de vida sobre personajes reales o ficticios, es para que aprendamos a identificar la violencia; me falta tiempo, me falta espacio y me falta letras, pero de violencia hay mucha tela que cortar.

Elinda solo necesitaba gritar lo que sentía... No toleraba tanta crueldad.

En ese momento en que ella tomó el selfi, estaba justo en una consulta con su terapeuta, tratando de sanar el dolor que le causaba la ausencia del padre de su hijo en el abandono de su rol; en su afán de remediarlo de cualquier manera a costa de todo, hasta en su salud.

¿Y en qué terminó? En cáncer, una enfermedad de la que aún falta mucho por aprender, que tal vez producto de la amargura, la rabia y el resentimiento, emociones que nunca fueron buenos consejeros con Elinda.

Ella se veía aparentemente sana, físicamente; obviamente ocupadísima entre tanto trabajo y responsabilidades. Restando quizás importancia a sus emociones e incluso a lo que su cuerpo tantas veces le quería decir.

Ella tenía meses asistiendo a terapia con Cristina (terapeuta) quien le recomendó hacer pausas entre tantas ocupaciones, para dedicarse tiempo de valor y mejorar su salud física, emocional y mental.

La violencia intrafamiliar marcó la vida de Elinda.

Recuerdo que de niña, eran muchas las veces que despertaba aterrada por los gritos e insultos entre mi padre y mi madre le contaba Elinda a su terapeuta. Eso fue siempre, al menos desde que tuve uso de razón.

Ella Llegó a sentir tanto miedo por lo que su padre le podía hacer a su madre que lloraba largas horas, sin saber claramente por qué; muchas veces le hacía perder la paciencia a su madre, ya agobiada por una vida de maltrato. Recuerda que paso frecuentemente durante varios años.

En la terapia ella expresaba que no sabía como pudo superarlo ella sola; tal vez supervivencia del más apto, será… Sin la ayuda de un terapeuta…¡Exclamaba con las manos en su cabeza!!!

Era tanto el pánico a la oscuridad que Elinda sentía, producto de la violencia que sus padres optaron por mantener en su cuarto, una luz encendida; por ingenio de su padre decidió optar por bombillos de colores, no solo era más bonita; sino también, su reflejo era más tenue, lo que lo hacía menos perturbador el momento del descanso.

Conforme fue creciendo, el tono de los conflictos existenciales de sus padres fue cambiando, pero el común denominador fue siempre la violencia en cualquier forma de presentación. A eso se le adicionaba los problemas graves de su padre en relación con su salud mental.

Elinda le contaba a su terapeuta que su papá cargó con muchos vacíos emocionales a lo largo de su existencia; huérfano de madre desde su edad preescolar, esto hizo que cambiara frecuentemente de hogares, haciéndolo aún más inseguro y con muy baja autoestima. Era muy inteligente, creo que brillante y logro hacerse profesional, aún en adversas circunstancias.

Yo pense Cristina (terapeuta) que todo cuanto veía en casa era normal, una madre sumisa que en cierta medida marcó mi proceder; sin embargo, logré optar por otras figuras femeninas para construir mi modelo en otros aspectos (yo les juro que no tenía idea; o al menos no lo había hecho consciente).

Por este motivo, creía que "aguantar" cuanto maltrato fuera posible era "normal" y estaba convencida de que el amor era sufrimiento, posesión y sacrificio. Según Elinda su mamá le decía eso, y así comenzó su odisea, la que le permitió reencontrarse a mi misma.

El Inicio del renacer.

Estoy segura de que a partir de esta autorreflexión comenzó el despertar de la consciencia de Elinda. Muchas personas especiales participaron de eso,(maestros o ángeles los llamo yo). Eso hacemos en el grupo de apoyo contra la violencia donde soy voluntaria.

Elinda en ese momento se sentía tan ingenua, desvalida, desprotegida que tal vez (necesitaba a su papá), la imagen paternal, era como si sus ojos estuvieran completamente cubiertos por una tela negra... donde no veía nada con claridad.

En la misma medida en la que vivía, iba recibiendo duras lecciones de violencia; con cada persona que conectaba especialmente en el ámbito de pareja, el papel protagónico era siempre el mismo; similar al de las actrices de telenovelas que miraba de niña, en el único canal local que se veía en su pueblo.

Lágrimas, sufrimiento, dolor, celos, infidelidades (la principal figura protagónica la hacía ella misma) en su mente disfuncional por tanta violencia. Para ella todo parecía normal, sin claridad en el amor.

Mucha tela que cortar.

Así fui repitiendo patrones de conducta que le dañaban más y más. Cuando llegó el padre de su hijo, Elinda al fin pudo reaccionar, aunque fueron largos 10 años fuertes para ella , tiempo determinante para sacar toda la basura que tenía por dentro.

Ella se anuló completamente como mujer, incluso como profesional y se convirtió en su sirvienta... y si les parece más erótico aún en la sumisa en todos los aspectos; ósea era menos que un estorbo.

De esos acontecimientos que en algún momento llegaron a atormentarla surgió la idea de buscar terapia de apoyo psicológico.

La felicidad no está al lado de nadie, ni fuera de nosotros

Bastó una consulta con Cristina (terapeuta) para moverse definitivamente emocionalmente y saber que por ahí no iban los tiros; que la vida era más que eso, que vivir era disfrutar plenamente cada acontecimiento que ocurriera y que dependía de ella, romper las cadenas que la ataban a la violencia y no le permitían avanzar...

Abruma muchas veces este tipo de testimonio de vida, referente que escribo en este post; pero hay muchos y es importante atenderlos.

¿Y saben la razón?

No tenemos que hacer cosas diferentes a lo que nos gusta, ni podemos pasarnos la vida "actuando" siempre, como si nos tuvieran mirando; la salud mental no se ve en las fotos. Todos podemos tener nuestras oscuridades, solo hay que aprender a gestionar y si no podemos, buscar quién nos ayude (ir a terapia, por ejemplo)... Tal cual lo hizo Elinda.