I can never really understand why women are always excited about marriages. I watch videos where they shed the “so-called” tears of joy during the process of repeating what the priest says at the altar. I understand that it’s such a beautiful moment, but I’m too selfish to be excited. I’m sorry to say.
I love my time and my space so much, I’m scared of having someone encroach my space for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, where I come, deciding to not get married is not an option. You will be pressured to death!
Naturally, African women or West African women to be more precise, are trained to serve their men and make them happy for the rest of their lives. I wonder why no one thought about what makes us happy. Back in the days, our happiness solely depended on who we get married to.
Sometimes, when we hear stories of how a man beat his wife to death went scot-free, it’s not a new thing in Africa.
We have been taught and trained to stay in marriages because of the shame and gossips that will be waiting for us back home if we ever decided to leave. So instead of leaving, some women, most women actually will stay back and bear the pain that their various partners inflict on them.
Another reason why some of them refuse to leave is because of their children. That is totally understandable, but not to the point if death.
Now, I feel that divorce is a cure to these marital issues and also poison. I’m not a supporter of divorce, only in very serious cases, so hear me out.
Humans are different and there are different limits for different individuals. What I’m trying to say is that, the level of tolerancee every individual has is relative. But whatever level of tolerance it is, If your partner continuously beats you up, I’ll firmly stand by you if you eventually decide to divorce him, but I’ll never push or advice you to.
Let me give you my reasons. There are two reasons actually.
That first is, from experience, you almost can’t successfully advice someone that is in love. Secondly, for whatever decision you make in life, you should be bold enough to carry the responsibilities and also face the consequences. I, as a friend and a supporter, will not be held responsible for the actions you take.
That being said, let me explain how divorce can be a cure to marital problems.
There is a phrase in my vocabulary called “Peace with pain”. That’s how divorce serves as a cure. It’s just like being sick for a long time because you couldn’t afford the drugs that your doctor prescribed. And the finally, you could afford it and you got it to cure yourself of the disease. This disease doesn’t go away immediately, sometimes it takes years, but it goes slowly as time passes by and you start feeling whole again.
In this narration, the disease is the marriage you have been enduring for so long, and the pain is there while you are in the marriage and even after you leave. It last for sometime before if finally fades away. So divorce is the drug that you decided to take to heal yourself.
Ok.
So now that I have talked about how divorce serves as a cure. Let me talk about how poisonous it can be.
Most people don’t know, but divorce does more harm to your kids than you. This happens because obviously or not, you and your partner have directly or indirectly promised these children that it’s together and forever. So the trust is broken.
Parents might not see the broken trust as an issue because teenagers tend to tell their friends more personal issues than their parents. But the problem strolls in when these children starts to withdraw especially when one of the parents tries to introduce someone new into their lives. Sometimes, they start to hate their parents and even themselves, which leads to depression most times.
I’m probably leaving you more confused than you already are, but I’m sure I gave you a reason to think carefully about marriage and divorce at the same time. In essence, be careful what you pray for.