It's better to have

Small improvements.

As I am writing this, I am having a slight nausea after taking a 50 ml espresso shot mix with honey. I brew a teaspoon of robusta with a teaspoon of arabica to power me through the night. If I am being honest, I am currently sleepy and wanting to have a good nap. However, tomorrow I have an important exam which I have to attend at 10 AM.

The thought of studying is always scary to me. It not that I hate studying but I have complicated relationship with it. I mentioned this couple of times but I grew up in a competitive environment where people don't appear as if they're studying. They appear as if they didn't read a thing and just breezed through the exam. There was also this mentality that if you're studying means you are less smarter or stupid. These were detrimental and took me years to learn that everyone has different ways or learning and memory retention capacity. Some people may not show that they are studying hard because that would make the other person, would willing to put effort too. Hence making the competition harder.

But since I got into this study server where there are others who are studying, I am more confident about my studying ability. It's not that I am ignorant or hating it, I just have bad mindset revolving studying. I don't mind putting the work to studying now. Whatever it takes to learn something new so I can put my knowledge into something practical and tangible.

Today, I read a post by Hive account@nakary titled Feeling Stuck which left a good impression on me. First because I was having the same question. Second because it answers my question too. In that post, she/he mentioned,"I’m surprised how they said they’re going to do something and then, they just do it. If they want to be thinner, they work out, and get it done. If they want to learn other language they sing up to a class and get it done." This was me in the past. I don't concern anything but myself. If I want something, I get it whatever it costs.

That approach to life has been lost in me. I no longer act on my goals but also considering all the BS and projection people put on me. While it's should be simple; you want it, you work to get it.

Today is when I make small improvements in life. I take time to study, to cook and being creative with my budget, taking time to take care of myself and enjoying every bits of life has to offer. The thought of bad days are becoming less scarier as I realized that if I keep stuck on the loop, I will get nowhere near my dreams.