It's around 3.00AM, my mind is blocked with tons of thoughts, my daily companion. During this Ramadan, there was peace spiritually, Ramadan is at the end almost, just a couple of days remaining. Time flies so fast, the holy month of we muslim is over, three or four days left.
The most important thing is how much we were able to utilize it, how much forgiveness we were able to gather from Allah, how much noble deeds were added on our account. That's all it takes to summarize the effectiveness.
Well, why did I start this one? I forgot, yeah, nowadays I'm suffering from a short time memory loss kinda problem. I forget tiny things, maybe you have asked me something to do after an hour, I will forget. It's not like I get distracted by something, or perhaps so because my mind is always engaged with tons of thoughts that are bugging me on and on. When you aren’t at peace, always under pressure, these kinds of effects are normal, I guess.
Oh, my midnight thoughts, that's what I was about to start writing about. Thoughts that disturbs me, thoughts that don't let me sleep properly, always on constant echoing and making me feel anxious about what the outcome would be. Finance, Family, Friends, Colleagues, everywhere I go, I have fu**ed up everything. Left no place where I would be myself with dignity and my personality. All are broken into pieces, kinda rotten. I have been consolidating myself saying, “Things will be changed, everything will be the ones we are desiring for.” but deep inside I am losing the confidence of that day being nearby.
Self respect is another thing, it doesn’t let you live properly if lost, also the concern of being lost kinda makes things even worse.
I have seen people living with so many easy equations, but when it's my turn the math got super complex. But why? Oh, I can do the maths pretty well, that's the reason? While doing so, the complexity level got pressed to impossible, now that I'm suffering with no way back, who will be my savior? To me, it's only Almighty Allah. Just before starting this one, I was seeking help from him, asking for guidance, forgiveness, and everything I am going through. I know only He can get me out of these shits and make everything smooth, that's what I'm waiting for actually.
So yeah, this one was a writing about my midnight random thoughts that kinda pokes me around, and via writing them down with discussion, I kinda end up in the cooldown.