I am trying my best to understand you Sarah. My heart is heavy, and my mind, racing with thoughts of you. How can I understand what you do not let me feel? How can I understand what you do not show me or talk to me about? I stare into your eyes, the most beautiful shade of jade green and get lost in them. But when, I’m still contentedly swimming in the beauty that is your eyes, the damp in them go unnoticed. You’ve been crying my love. I do not like to see you like this. It saddens me greatly and I want nothing more than to see you be am in joy and laughter. I want to twirl you around across the space of our bedroom. I want to see that wide smile of yours, the one that makes your cheek bunch up and your eyes crinkle. I want to feel your heavy breathing, the one you get when you’ve laughed and smiled too much, the one you get then feel sleepy afterwards. Sarah, please. Tell me what’s wrong?
I wake up to nights of you sobbing, and making tiny sounds. I ask you what’s wrong but you brush me off. I do not want to get angry, I don’t want to make it seem like I am trying to gain your attention but that is what this is Sarah. I miss you. I need you so much. Please talk to me. Please cry to me. Please let me hold you in my arms. Let me wrap them around you and listen to go breathe slowly against my chest.
Let me love you Sarah please. I still remember the week of our wedding. The air felt different, waking up each day—I felt lighter. Happier. At peace. I miss that. Please come back to me Sarah. Come back.
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