Moving abroad and living alone for the first time had its adjustments. Coming from a family of five, one of the strangest things is stocking up the pantry and fridge for only one person.
Even when there's too much food, it looks empty. I was afraid I'm not spending or eating enough. That I'm not taking care of myself as I should, even though I'm eating home-cooked meals that I'm preparing myself.
Each plate started to grow in portions until they were overfilled and I was certain that I won't lose more weight than I've done before. It's a tricky line. To want to be healthy and look thin but not too thin.
After a year, I visited back home and stepped back on the scales and I realised, I was not losing weight. It was the opposite.
The fear of not being good enough for myself made me gain weight and my mind spiralled. It's as if I were losing a part of my identity. I was not eating healthily and I was putting myself at risk. This had to stop.
Instead of downsizing portions back to the normal, I started to skip a few meals here and there and paused my snacks completely. I bought a scale to see where I stand and my weight was not changing.
But that's good! I'm still healthy and I'm not gaining. So I decided I will return back to eating full meals and snacks and keep track. As long as I don't gain more weight, then I'm on the right path of eating what I should.
FreeWrite Prompt
Thank you to 
I like using the freewrite sessions as a way to explore my own thoughts and experiences, in a form of a creative non-fiction.
As much as I enjoy writing fiction, my personal challenge is more being honest and exploring my own philosophies. Putting that timer and letting myself write for 5 minutes without letting myself stop allows me to challenge myself without blocking myself.
#freewrite #dailyprompt