How are you? How long haven't you seen each other? Will I still be able to meet your eagle eyes when I meet you, like your name?
I only got the news conveyed by the wind through the window. And always, I worry about you who don't stay. How many more docks do you need to stop by? Once I found out, someone tied the knot.
But you can't get enough.
Love?
Maybe you found it. I'm not sure. You could just accept your destiny and live it. Haven't you ever let go of love hundreds of full moons ago and walked away to the wandering ocean farthest from where you came from?
I'm worried about you, always. With the anxiety of a mother giving her blessings to her choice of the child, with the anxiety of a lover who prays for a meeting at every departure. I worry about you like a father approving of a future son-in-law but his son is ignorant and dwells on excessive disappointment and needless fear.
I'm worried about your longing. Asking the universe a question, have you brought enough provisions in your adventure? Do you actually occasionally come home without me knowing and visit the house where your most memorable stories live?
A letter arrived at the door. Reportedly, your steps to the nearest city are only a matter of kilometers. I should be happy, right? But why am I worried about you again?
Unnecessary anxiety. You have sailed far to the eight cardinal directions. Maybe you finally found love in your lonely self. I'm worried about my longing that has cursed your happiness to be fake. I'm afraid that if the distance is gone, you will find me. Which is like before but also new.
How much time do I have left? Is this time the universe is also whispering to you, telling stories of my adventures while following in your footsteps? Or will luck be on my side by hiding you again from my sight? Is that really luck?
Or are we not destined to enjoy a cup of tea and discuss Pramoedya's books or just small talk between your guitar strings singing the most melodious songs?
And I'm worried about you who again have to worry and try not to care about my anxiety and cover it with your adventures.
I have also taken steps, although occasionally turning directions. But you know, I deny it many times, it turns out that my waiting is tireless.***
