I decided to start sharing about my process of writing a book on grief.
I lost my parents 7 days apart in September 2021, they were victims of the Covid protocols. The grief in their end is so very layered and wrapped in a bigger picture.
My book is their story as well as mine moving through the grief of losing them. It's also a call to action.
I'm an only child and my husband, 3 kids and I lived with them. The grief process up till now and probably continuing on has been devastating and amazing all at once. I've been following the paths that are opening up and journaling as well as creating art through the entire ordeal.
I've been working with a mentor and have been writing both poetry and prose in the process, as well as going through my journals from the past year to really jump into what's been going on.
I started working on the story of who they were from the beginning.
It's been an interesting process, that I imagine is different with every writer. This especially has been a back and forth between allowing myself to write and holding back (which I'm really working on letting go of). I find days when I can't touch the stories inside, and days when I can't get it out quick enough.
Where is the line of what is solely yours?
Where do we surrender ourselves fully to the language and yet still remain whole in and of ourselves as that surrender arrives on the editing floor?
How do you tell the story of 2 lives with 26 letters of the alphabet?
I've been in the place of refocusing the structure of the book. I originally was going to write it chronologically to tell the story of my parents - who they were, however, I'm now working with specific memories that illustrate who they are and also braiding in the strands of the grief process that are present with those memories.
It is so hard to write an honest piece about who they were to me, and then have my mentor crush it and ask me to try something different. I know that my emotions are tied into this and I need to find the balance. Right now, I'm working on holding my confidence up to the light of my mentor's critique and feeling out the place where my voice flows. It's there, but he holds me up to the highest standard always. And sometimes I just need to say it.
I'm also using automatic writing with the akashic records as I jump into themes and memories.
I'll be posting more about the process as I go along and will be posting some of my artwork from the past year of all of this, but for today, a picture, this is my youngest daughter at their ceremony.
LOVE.
Jocelyn b.
