When I was a child, I used to come last in class. It got to a point where it wasn’t even a surprise anymore. My parents already knew my position before I would even say it. That was how bad it was.
Nobody wanted to be my friend in school. I was always on my own. Yes, I was an introvert, that one is clear. But I know that if I had people around me, maybe I would have been a little happier. Maybe I would have tried more.
Instead, it was like everything just added together; being quiet, being alone, and also feeling like my brain was not working.
I was dull. That was how I saw it.
Sometimes, it felt like I was not even given a brain to think. Others would understand things so fast, answer questions, laugh, move on… and I would still be there, trying to understand what was even going on.
It was painful.
I used to pray a lot. I would ask God to help me, to open my memory, to give me wisdom, to help me understand even small things in school, at home, anywhere.
Because to me, it felt like something had gone wrong somewhere.
Even when I found a few people outside school who accepted me, it didn’t change much. In school, I was still that girl. The last one. The quiet one. The one nobody really noticed.
I felt like the whole world was against me. And I was still very young, but I felt it deeply. That is to show how heavy it was for me then. I was even okay being alone. I didn’t want to stress anyone with my “dullness.” I just stayed on my own.
At some point, I started believing something strange... I felt like all the knowledge in the world had already been shared to others, and there was no more knowledge left for me.
But I kept praying.
I held on to one thing which was that one day, the knowledge that seemed to miss me would come back to me. And not just small, but in abundance.
And today, I can say something has changed. I am no longer that girl.
Now, I am learning. I am growing. I understand things better. I speak, I write, I express myself.
I am a student of English Education, and I am preparing myself for a classroom, to stand in front of people and teach.
Sometimes I even smile when I think about it, because the same person who once believed that knowledge had finished before reaching her, is now ready to give knowledge to others.
Isn't it great?
