Who knows what my husband would say to it, what he would think of me.
A life spent making sacrifices, setting aside savings on savings and enjoying little or nothing of the things this world had to offer us.
He would have wanted so much to travel, enjoy a few more concerts, explore a few ethnic restaurants and try some abstruse recipes of star chefs who sold their amazing dishes at a high price.
I was always the most conservative one in the couple.
I told them no, we couldn't afford those things.
The reality is, we could have.
We weren't sailing on gold, that's for sure, but our salaries allowed us to pay the mortgage, satisfy all the basic needs and put aside at least 15,000 euros every year.
The excuse that I used to make those repeated no was that we had to think about any health problems that might occur, that we had to be provident in case one of us lost his job, that somehow we would have to build our "old age" and maybe yes, we could think about the future.
How silly to think about that now, on the threshold of my 70th birthday.
What future could a grandmother like me ever have?
My Giulio can never find out.
Those plans of mine died with him, when at only 49 years old a sudden heart attack took him away from me in the middle of the night.
I closed my eyes with him holding me tightly as always from behind and when I woke up the next day you don't feel that tender grip anymore. He was gone. Beside me. And I hadn't noticed. By my side a lifeless body. A calm face to give me an awakening I never wanted to have.
We never had children.
He would have wanted them, and so would I. But we put it off so long that when we realized time was too fast for us, the games were over. We tried to adopt, but we gave up a little bit out of a sense of responsibility and a little bit because the bureaucracy had worn us out.
I was left with a bank account of 280,000 euros and a life of solitude.
Today I am a pensioner.
Without a husband, without children, without any real experience.
For 3 years now I have been locked up in this 2,000 euro a month nursing home on the outskirts of Milan.
Some of my friends, whom I met here, are dead, others are starting to have less and less energy, others arrive feeling dumped by families too busy to take care of them.
That bank account is even bigger today. The pension and what I have accumulated after Giulio's death have allowed me to reach the fateful threshold of 400,000.
I'd have no one to leave it to.
No one to give that amount with my heart.
I don't believe in institutions and I don't believe in the church. That's why even if I wanted to be supportive and generous I wouldn't trust to leave everything to some charity.
I feel my life is slowly slipping away. Between one puzzle and another, between karaoke night and bingo night.
I'm getting more and more tired of feeling oppressed and recluse in a place that I've been living for 3 years but that I feel estranged.
Now I'm finally gonna turn it all around.
Today I called my friends Maria and Anna and I'm going to tell her the news.
It's all in this long booklet printed for the occasion.
"Project Runaway Grandmothers" is its title.
It took me months to plan it all, but now we're here.
In the next 15 months we will leave this aberrant place and discover the world around us.
We'll touch every continent. We will travel to 45 countries around the world.
Three months of our journey we will spend them in the poorest places in the world helping the most infamous and troubled people.
Another 3 months will be dedicated to the sea and the beach. Maldives, Philippines, Hawaii and Cook Islands among other destinations.
Another 3 months will be spent in our Italy, to explore it from top to bottom.
We will start with 3 months of travel in Asia and Oceania.
We will conclude by visiting the Americas and look forward to exploring Peru and California.
Total cost 300,000 euros.
It's my gift to them and in a way my tribute to Giulio.
Going back, my dear husband, I would make this trip with you again.
