For the longest time, I have struggled to remain consistent in just about any endeavor.
I'd fall out of practice with habits, take them back up again, and fall into the same cycle repeatedly. That type of unwanted repetition effectively killed my confidence, and I'd go through the usual process of asking myself why, if I simply was not meant to engage in certain activities, so on.
I was distracted. Given a prior diagnosis of ADHD, this never came as much of a surprise. Something would always take my attention and focus away, or in most cases, the desire to engage in high-pleasure, mindless behaviors would win.
The result of that? Several other aspects of my life would suffer considerably, and I'd be thrown into a mental rut that felt inescapable.
Only recently did I realize my approach to this was all wrong. Internally, I was (without intention) exhausting myself of willpower by seeing each and every single task as requiring substantial effort. In reality, most of what I sought to do was never as bad as I made it out to be in my mind.
Instead of seeing more productive, fruitful activities as desirable, I viewed them as inconveniences. I would have no choice but to live my life stifling my desire to "relax" and partake in hours of worthless internet browsing, constantly needing to impart restraint and make sacrifices.
This wound up depleting any motivation I had to continue engaging in healthier habits and, to no surprise, I'd fall back into my old ways.
I realize now though that, over the long-term, this is the wrong way to look at it. In reality, I was losing time, worsening my mental (and physical) health and ultimately, without intention, driving myself into a rut.
Reframing my mind going forward, I realize that I only stand to gain from improving myself through habits such as exercise, writing, the pursuit of financial freedom, so on. And when I spend hours on things that I, in a delusional way, thought I enjoyed, only loss comes from it.
I'll choose the gains on my health and happiness, and eliminate desires that no longer serve any outward benefit. Excited to see where this new mentality takes me.