- What has keys but can't open locks? (Answer: A piano)
- What starts with an E, ends with an E, but only contains one letter? (Answer: An envelope)
- What is always coming but never arrives? (Answer: Tomorrow)
- What is black and white and read all over? (Answer: A newspaper)
- What has a head, a tail, but no body? (Answer: A coin)
- What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it? (Answer: A promise)
- What has a thumb but no fingers? (Answer: A glove)
- What goes up but never comes down? (Answer: Your age)
- What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die? (Answer: Nothing)
- What can be measured, but not seen? (Answer: Time)
- What is always moving, yet never moves? (Answer: A river's current, or the answer "The bed" as in a river bed).
- Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the baker go to the bank? He needed dough.
- Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
- Why did the cat join a band? Because he wanted to be a purr-cussionist.
- What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well.
