Her voice...
Each time she speaks it sounds as if I hear a barking dog. It makes me nervous. I never heard a lady talk like she does or saw one being dressed like her. I don't know what to say to her. Should I greet or stay out of her way?
The barking continues while she lights one cigarette with the next. Did she smoke the entire cigarette already? It smells terrible. We don't smoke. Granny doesn't smoke and I wonder why she allows this person to make her house stink. Granny gives her coffee and offers her cookies but she doesn't want any.
While the lady barks on granny keep silent. I wonder if she is waiting for something.
I don't understand what the talk is about. Adults can be so confusing. They say nothing or talk about things that aren't important till they start totally unexpected about what they really want to say. I don't believe she is complaining but she needs to tell granny something she should know. The woman who visits her because? Most likely because she lives nearby. They are neighbours so to say and their children met and became friends. Is this woman granny's friend, even her best friend? Somehow I think she's not. Granny is polite like she always is and as soon as the woman leaves she will clean up. Open the windows, washing the cups and continue with her own life. She doesn't talk much and never gossips not even talk bad about my mother. I know it makes her angry how my mother treats me but granny says too she isn't angry with my mother because she never harmed her. I don't know what she means by that. Does it mean it's fine my mother hits me as long as she doesn't hit my granny? I know my mother hates granny and scolds her. Doesn't that hurt?
Perhaps it doesn't if you do not see that person frequently. Perhaps granny learned not to hear those bad words and ignores the scoldings. Perhaps she can because she is old and no longer cares about other people and she has a home of her own. Or perhaps it is because she survived the concentration camp and it can always be worse like living with my mother in the same house.
I think granny is happy in her home and happy if the lady leaves. She has things to do and has said what she needed to say.
"Will you visit us next time," she barks at the door before she leaves and granny nods. I am not sure when exactly next time will be but I know she won't take me with her.
I wonder how it is to have a home of my own. A place where I can do as I like. I can sleep and no one will drag me out of bed in the middle of the night. No screaming, yelling, no punishments. No waiting till she is tired of beating me up, of breaking me.
I don't know if that will ever happen because children can not find a house of their own.
The bed I sleep in is softer than mine and there are springs underneath the mattress. At least I can sleep for some hours without being disturbed. Granny never enters my room if I am in bed and my uncle has his own room.
