She hoards and yells

Our house is full and my mother says it's always dirty. We clean the whole day on. Three times a day. If the housekeeper goes home I have to do everything over again. My mother always sees the heaps of sand and thick layers of sand. I only see many items. Our house is so full and every item has its place. If it's one centimetre moved my mother sees it. The housekeeper will be happy if she can go home but I can never leave. I have to face her, listen to her and at times come along with her to the shops. I have no clue why she asks me since she only wants me to wait at the door. She collects, she hoards. Antiques, clothes, shoes, coats, jewellery, copper, silver, porcelain and those things she calls 'Royal Albert'. She makes the shopkeepers nervous but she is a good customer so they bow and jump. They lie to her I know they do but she never tells them they are liars. I wonder why.

At the end of the day, the man from the shop delivered all she bought. Two lamps, porcelain figurines and more. He took his shoes off and she yelled at him he wasn't allowed to stay on the parquet floor. He had to jump from one small carpet to the next and nearly fell.
Better not touch the parquet. She polishes it every day and if you touch the floor she can see the footprints.
I watched the man leave. He felt relieved he was back outside and safe. Safe back in his car.
I wish our house wasn't so full but she likes it this way and always buys.

Tuesday
February 16, 2021

In the morning I visited the school and in the afternoon I stayed home. The housekeeper was busy and my mother wasn't home. The furniture is still piled up and she didn't vacuum. The housekeeper doesn't care. She stays in the kitchen the only place where the table and chairs are at their place. At five o'clock she goes home. She doesn't always say goodbye to me. If my parents aren't home she leaves too. Like before my dad is always gone. He never has breakfast or supper with us and only on rare occasions he is home if we have the evening bread meal. Perhaps he eats somewhere else?
I couldn't watch television because living is a forbidden area, upstairs it is a mess and the kitchen is forbidden too if the housekeeper is still present. I looked if children played outside but no one was. It's too cold and they have a home. Everyone has a home and some have a kind mother too. Kind mothers don't believe mean mothers exist.

Wednesday
February 17, 2021

The gym was cold and so was the dressing room. I hate leotards. They are itchy and I still feel cold. Why do I always need to wear a thin dress? Winter is the worst time there is.
I started writing a letter to granny. I'll write a long one but can not tell her everything. I don't know if she believes plus if I make my mother angry I cannot send it to her. I need a stamp and my mother will only give me one if she agrees with what I write and has a good mood.

Thursday
February 18, 2021

It's nearly my aunts birthday but we will not visit her. She always visits us though. Perhaps I can speak to her by phone? I am not sure if I am allowed to. The phone is for my mother's work. She says it's for cases of emergencies only. Perhaps my aunt doesn't mind if I don't call. My mother always fights her and a birthday with fights is bad. I always have bad birthdays.

Friday
February 19, 2021

I had to walk again. I have no medaille but a small plate and it says 'hutspot tocht'. They gave us a hutspot at the finish. It wasn't much but I liked it. Hutspot is mashed potatoes with carrots, onions and sausages.
I didn't have to eat the tomato soup and the bread with the dry honey.

Saturday
February 20, 2021

Cleaning, Sunday school, sitting still and feeling bored was my day. Some children are allowed to play I am not. I only can if we visit my grandmother or granny. If we visit someone my parents don't care about Sunday, the Sunday and the rules they made.

Sunday
February 21, 2021