The last date, the last date I talked to her, I actually didn’t, I left her on read, I was so pissed and thought she would come running back to me as she usually did but this time around she didn’t, hours turned to days and then turned to weeks. I didn’t bother but I actually did. Deep down all day all I could do was think about her, it dawned on me, I had lost her. I reflected who was to blame , was it me? , was it her? what happened that lead us to this point. I couldn’t find an answer but I was hurt. I didn’t want to text first, what was it? Was it pride/ego? Now that I think of it, I guess it was or maybe I didn’t just care enough. A lot of maybes but I told myself time heals all, it wasn’t my first relationship and it wouldn’t be my last also. I used that to console myself. I told myself I just had self respect for myself it wasn’t pride. I saw her at a function we barely talked, didn’t say more that 10 words to each other, I could tell she was angry, still had unresolved feelings, things that needed to be tabled. Now that I think of it im the man and I definitely should have taken the lead and talked it out when I had the chance. That was the last date I saw her. but not the last time I felt her absence. Random things began to trigger memories, a song, a joke only she laughed at, the way she smiled. I realized then that endings aren’t always loud. Some don’t come with final conversations or dramatic goodbyes. Some just fade With time, the anger softened into regret .I understood that silence can be just as loud as words, and sometimes more damaging. I had confused distance for strength and pride for self-respect. The truth was simpler and harder to admit. I was afraid of being vulnerable I don’t know if talking that day would have changed anything. Maybe we would have found closure. What I do know is that some lessons only arrive after the damage is done. I never texted her after that. Not because I didn’t care, but because too much time had passed, but I carry the lesson with me now. That was the last date I saw her but it was also the first time I truly understood what it means to lose someone without ever really saying goodbye.