As I stood at my window before bed, looking out.
midnight...
I never thought I'd
be middle age
It was my birthday yesterday. Still is in some parts of the world. I use midnight in the haiku, but I think my actual time of birth was around 11pm.
Anyway, I spent all day thinking I had turned forty-two. Then my family informed me I was actually forty-four. No, I didn't look at my year of birth and do the math badly. I had just been going with my gut feeling. Of course had I really gone with what I felt, I would have said twenty-three. I don't know why twenty-three always sticks out in my head. I don't remember anything significant happening that year. Hmm..
It's that same old story: that everyone always feels ageless in their heads, a kind of eternal youth, but then the mirror reveals the truth and it's a little shocking because we still feel like kids.
One of my favorite haiku comes to us from Jokun.
年とらぬつもりなりしが鐘の鳴る
toshi toranu tsumori narishi ga kane no naru
I never intended
to grow old
the temple bell tolls
I've probably translated this a half dozen slightly different ways. It's hard to put the exact feeling into English. One of my mentors, Robin Gill, always claimed that no one translation can possibly give the full meaning, so we should give several. I usually don't give several at the same time, but I do always try to take a fresh look every time I come back to one.
The temple bell Jokun mentions is the New Year temple bell. In pre-modern Japan everyone marked their age up on New Years, not on their actual birthday, so when he heard that bell he was reminded of his age.
Mine borrows a bit of the feeling of his. I'm not facing the advanced age he was, but I can understand the same feeling of surprise that time has slipped away from us and we've aged beyond what we ever expected.
❦
| David LaSpina is an American photographer and translator lost in Japan, trying to capture the beauty of this country one photo at a time and searching for the perfect haiku. |
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