A White Kiwi Christmas
1
Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck,
National, National.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck,
good bloody party.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck,
Chris Luxon is a God
Fuckity, fuck,
you’re a good cunt mate.
2
“You know the Murray’s
get everything from
the Government”, says
Aunty as she swills
her twentieth spritzer
“Bloody Murray’s.”
“What’s a Murray, Aunty?”
3
Sunscreen wasn’t a
thing when I was
a kid. We ended
up bright pink
by the end of
Christmas day.
4
Mum would slave
Over a traditional
Roast meal,
a British tradition.
Her sweat mixing
with the flavours
of the roast.
Unappreciated and
alone in the kitchen.
5
“Oh love, you
should say grace
today. You’re old
enough too.”
“Granny, I’m an
atheist.”
“You naughty boy.”
6
“You’re a good cunt mate.”
Uncle is getting more
drunk. We lock him
in the dog pen and
spray him with the
hose. The kids laugh.
He passes out.
7
Someone smokes pot
and the mothers
start screaming.
“Not near my children.”
Everyone’s clothes and
breath smells. The
offenders have sprayed
themselves with deodorant,
eaten mints and are clear eyed.
They are not found.
8
“They bloody ruined
Christmas.”
“I don’t know, I think
Aunty and her Murray’s
And uncle with his cunts
were worse.”
“Shut up, you’re young,
what would you know?”
9
“Cindy, look at the doll granny got you.”
“No!”
“Come on, it’s lovely.”
“It’s the wrong colour.”
“What?”
“I wanted a brown doll. Like me.”
10
“Don’t tell your
grandmother you’re
gay today. She’ll
have a heart attack.
11
Make it stop.