Anxiety
what time is it I bet it’s late I should check have I been drinking too much tea my leg is jiggling and it’s 1:30am and I think that I should be in bed my landlord is going to kick me out because the cockroach poison I bought doesn’t seem to have worked why won’t you die you’re crawling over my keyboard now will all this downloading I’ve done get me in trouble should I get a VPN there’s fruit flies in the kitchen and I’ve already cleaned the rubbish bin should I have a shower my hair feels greasy at times and then kind of dry do I smell if I bought myself some deodorant will that make it easier to hide my musk should I tell people I’m freaking out will it help me or will I just make other people freak out because I’ve been suicidal in the past what’s it like to be around people will I be able to go back to what I was doing I can’t fucking write what’s wrong with me I posted terrible poems I’m right I can’t write if I flick that cockroach off the hard drive will it die or will it it just bounced off the ground nothing happened to it I sent a poem to Daniel and it had a spelling mistake in it damn that cockroach is small it had a spelling mistake in it I know how to spell soldier and now people will think I’m and idiot I’ll send an email at least he will know that I did know how to spell it is this what loneliness is it’s kind of cold no that’s the air outside why am I still sweating I’m still sweating and its cold what am I going to do after the extra money the government is giving is gone I can eat but if it’s gone I’ll be back to a block of cheese and hash browns is this what it’s like to be poor at least I don’t have to decide which medications I can afford to get what am I going to do if I get COVID-19 I stop breathing at night and I have diabetes I read something somewhere that said I would die I’m going to die I know I’m going to die help me is there someone who can help me I can’t calm down this hurts… I can spell soldier